"Nice Guys" and Rape Culture

So honestly, I wasn't sold on this post. Largely because I hear or read the phrase "nice guy/s" and I get irrationally angry because of the loaded connotations, but I digress.

Ben Atherton-Zeman wrote a post for MS. Magazine's blog, entitled "Nice Guys" Contribute to Rape Culture. Shocked, shocked, I say. Apparently, this whole Daniel Tosh being an asshole and not funny is now a thing (personally, I think he was an asshole and wasn't funny for a long time before a bad rape joke, but hey, just a woman with no sense of humor), which got Atherton-Zemon's attention. Tosh's defense is essentially, "I'm a nice guy" and it is our fault if we are offended. Atherton-Zemon takes apart the notions of rapist lurking in bushes and the idea that batterers are not the guy you can be in love with, which is all very good and not new. He contributes all of it to feminist (something good attributed to feminism, what?).

Then he drops "rape culture", which glorifies objectification and male ownership of girls and women. Bringing in notions of masculinity and sexual coercion. Pointing out that it isn't only the batterers and rapists that befit from rape culture.

Atherton-Zemon then discusses that he doesn't really care about Tosh, but instead how rape culture contributes to the larger defense of rapists, largely through, the mythos. But he's a great coach, done so much for the community, a nice guy. Atherton-Zemon argues for the abolishment of the nice guy defense of violent men. I can't help but agree. The major points here are at rape culture contributes to the larger issue, so even if someone makes a rape joke, it is isn't at the expense of rapist or a culture that condones it then it is one more way to say that it is ok.

Jezebel has a great post about How to Make a Rape Joke, and yes, they are funny. I suppose that in the end, personally, I get so enrages about all this because we've all been rape apologists at sometime or other, which contributes to rape, because if this behavior (whatever it might be a sexual assault, a rape joke, etc) is ok once, then we condition people to view it as acceptable.