#LoveWins

I should be clear; I’m not a huge fan of marriage equity. I’m not a huge fan of marriage. The idea that you’re legally binding yourself to another human indefinitely seems like a bad idea. Particularly for women who are more likely to die at the hands of their partners than anything else. I always have to resist the urge to discourage my friends from marriage. But you do you kids. But really, I’ve always thought of marriage rights as a way for the gay community to be hetero-normalized. Like, see they aren’t threatening they just want to get married just like us.

Now, I fully expect the economy to see a nice lift from this. But I also think this isn’t enough. I mean come on. You can get married, but still be fired for being gay. Let’s move right on over to worker protections and forcing insurance companies to cover Trans medicine. Let’s expand social supports for queer young people who are still more likely to be homeless than their straight peers. At best this is a symbolic victory at worst this is a victory for those who can afford it. Those past the hard parts.

All that said, nothing makes me angrier than people taking to the Internet to spread their hate or make this victory about them. Yeah, inequity still exists across the board, but sometimes we have to stand in solidarity with one another and celebrate any victory even when it might not be a specific victory for us. What, you mad because the Supreme Court did just let the Notorious RBG overturn all injustice? Yeah, me too, but I'm still going to celebrate those who can marry after being told they couldn't because they were less for decades. The first same sex couple married in Texas were 80 year old men who had been together for 54 years, and they are adorable. 

Cleveland that I love

So there are these t-shirts in Cleveland with a variety of graphics reading “Cleveland that I love.” The t-shirts have hit the fan through the playoffs. Because of course. I’m not throwing stones either, because I bought two Cleveland shirts since this began (from a Cleveland based company of course). Now, I love the Cavs and basketball, but I also love Cleveland. However, I don’t know if the Cleveland that I love is the Cleveland everyone is talking about.

I grew up in Slavic Village, which is now often called South Broadway on maps. But it will always be Slavic Village to us. Old, closed, formerly owned businesses with Slavic and Polish names and boarded up windows. Stella Walsh rec center, where we weren’t allowed to go because of gang violence. If you don’t know who Stella Walsh is, Google her, she is worth knowing. So imagine my glee that Cleveland is in the national news, sure it is for basketball, but hey people are looking our way and while we’ll probably fuck this up, because that is the Cleveland way, we might win.

[Image is from the Cleveland Plain Dealer] At the same time, the Cleveland Plain Dealer is running a series on Slavic Village, “Hard time in Cleveland” which is about a Blaine Murphy being sentenced to serve 18 months of his prison term in Slavic Village, ground zero of the foreclosure crisis. Yeah, this guy who screwed people out of their homes and money in Slavic Village now has to live there. Justice, right? Wait, a minute, you mean the neighborhood I came up in, the one my mom still lives in is the equivalent to prison. Bitch, please.

I would drive either via 77N or Jennings to the Catholic Worker to volunteer, and during rush hour, I’d drive across the Harvard-Denison Bridge and up Pearl. All to get to Ohio City where you can get three meals, a shower, laundry, and somewhere to sit out of the elements till 9pm most nights. We’ve never had the homeless in Slavic Village, not the way you have them downtown. We have squatters. We also have 1,200 vacant homes most of which are waiting to be demolished. Boarded up doors have red and blue notices painted on them giving warning or notice, drugs were here and no copper. Blaine Murphy and men like him bled Slavic Village and I’m sure many neighborhoods like ours.

There are kids I grew up with who are trying to save the neighborhood, and I don’t know how to tell them they are going to fail or ruin it. I want to support them, but I think, guys, a median down Fleet? How are the police (all three of them) going to chase thieves (mostly kids)? A man was shot over copper at the head of my street across from their family business. Copper. I think, you’re encouraging the city to fine old people who can’t paint their houses? My dad’s house is one of those houses now, painted this ugly tan color. We’re going to have a neighborhood of poor tan houses. Pick your battles kids. Paint and some construction isn’t going to save you.

A championship isn’t going to save us either. Maybe nothing can. We’re going to have to ride this one to the last stop and see what is there. These boys I grew up with are trying to gentrify our neighborhood in the good way. I really don’t think they have malicious intentions. They see tons of vacants and think, let’s get people in here, let’s get businesses going again. But it feels short sighted. It feels like privilege people coming to save us the best way they know how, but that’s not going to work. Because what happens when property taxes go up? What about the poor and working poor that have called this place their home since the 70s who can’t afford higher taxes in a neighborhood with the lowest property tax rate and the some of the worst schools? How are you going to address the gangs? What family is going to move into a neighborhood with three officers to patrol it? You need buy in, and from what I’ve heard no one is buying it. Change like what we need can’t be driven by people who drive home to the suburbs at night. You call Slavic Village home, and it is your home, but you don’t live it. Neither do I. We can’t prescribe what they need. You can facilitate it. 

Happy Birthday to a rad lady and thoughts on another lady

Today is Cari’s birthday, and she’s pretty rad. I say all this knowing full well, she didn’t scream let them eat cake at her juniors when there was in fact cake present. Missed opportunities. I know, now you need proof of Cari’s awesomeness, well she started this blog. She also reads like a…fool isn’t the right word, but you know what I mean. She’s an all-around great person and friend. I miss your face darling.

Caitlyn Jenner is a brave woman, and I can’t image the strength it takes to come out like this. She didn’t have much of a choice, but to do it in the most public way possible given the stories swirling about her. She is also a conventionally beautiful woman. I didn’t give much thought to this until a conservative friend of mine noted, Jenner is prettier than she is and she’s been a woman her whole life. It was a joke and not meant to be hurtful or anything. In fact knowing this friend like I do, it was more self-deprecating than anything else. But it made me think of two things: 1. How the public is taking Caitlyn Jenner’s transition, and 2. Womanhood and the conventionally feminine.

First, you can present your gender identity however you’d like. I’m not trying to give anyone permission or restrictions here. That said, our famous Transwomen in the spotlight are overwhelmingly attractive women. Any not just attractive, but conventionally attractive. Jenner’s cover is in a vintage swimsuit and clothing, which puts me in mind of a pin-up shoot. Obviously, this isn’t an easy transition for her (her family or anyone else transitioning), but it might have gone very differently if she hadn’t embraced conventional femininity. The public is taking to it. We’ve already schooled the media on how to address Caitlyn after the Chelsea Manning debacle. Additionally, Laverne Cox is practically a household name. While, I’m still very apprehensive about how Trans and bisexual characters are portrayed on television, we’re light-years away from anyone not conforming to an assigned gender and assumed sexual identity as a villain—One day I’ll collect all my thoughts on Outlander and write about it or maybe just Jamie’s forearms.

This is one of those things I struggle with. I’m feminine identifying and wear a lot of skirts because I’m lazy and dresses are one item of clothing compared to pants and a shirt. It truly saves time. I don’t have to try and match things, which because I lack other traditionally feminine characteristics can be quite the time suck. A friend and I recently discussed how I’m into things that are really traditionally feminine like I’m learning to sew and I crochet, but I have no sense of style or taste, and I might starve to death if I couldn’t order takeout, and I’d rather lose a limb than talk about my feelings. So I struggle with the narrative that Caitlyn Jenner is beautiful as if that is all there is to being a woman. Well, passing as a woman means being pretty and/or surgery. But that isn’t all being a woman is. All the stories I keep seeing are talking about transition as if it is just surgery to look more like a woman and then wearing “women’s clothing” which by the way is very feminine clothing.

Honestly, I have no idea what makes you a woman or not. But it is more than physical presentation, and I hope someone covers that aspect of transitioning too. I also wonder if Caitlyn Jenner will undergo some of the same struggles other Transwomen and all women have? I mean Caitlyn is transitioning as a wealthy white woman. She won’t have to struggle to afford hormone treatments or worry about employment. She will also by default already hold a lot of power in social situations that many women don’t. For a lot of women gender becomes overwhelmingly clear when you’re told you can’t do something because of your gender or it prevents something. For example, I knew a girl in grade school who was told she couldn’t play football anymore at recess with the boys because she might get hurt…they were playing touch football. *side eye* The subtext, girls don’t do that. I often wonder what those aspects of transitioning feels like, the giving up of power. Or is it completely overshadowed by other issues such as acceptance and the discrimination Trans people face? And I understand if it is, but at some point, someone who was always regarded as a white man, and now identifies as a white woman must have had a situation where she thought, “WTF is this?” in regards to an everyday situation. That first cat call, that first question, shouldn’t you check with your husband, father, brother, random stranger on the street with a penis? The first time that male privilege doesn't exist. Then again, for Transwomen who don’t "pass" might always follow the stares and comments about not passing.

I wish all the best to Caitlyn and her family. I hope everyone continues to embrace individuals as they are instead of how we’d like them to be for easier classification. But I also hope for a more nuanced conversation around gender and identity that doesn’t just revolve around appearance.