So men of color and women are human beings

I’ve been thinking, and we all know that isn’t good. But then Rebecca Watson nailed it. However, I debated actually posting this because I don't want it to sound race apologist. However, my friend BA and I were talking about an article (mentioned below) in which we felt yes, right on, but also, maybe the author didn't take everything into consideration. Upfront, I'm very white bordering on translucent, and BA rocked a pretty awesome Afro a few years back. We're also both women, which is where our concerns about the article are rooted.

See after the acquittal of George Zimmerman, we’ve all been talking about how black men are feared in our society because of systemic racism. Some people can say it is for some other reasons, but at the end of the day it is racism. We live in a racist society, and it takes its toll on all of us. How we handle that is what matters. I also wanted to wait and completely think through what I’m about to say because I do not believe race, class, and gender are treated the same way with in our culture, and I would never want to equate any of these, but there is something to be said about intersectionality and the way these social constructs play out. Additionally, I believe there is a common ground when we boil everything down, but how we get there is very different. However, if we can all remember this common ground then maybe solidarity building will be a little easier. Let me state, I am not Trayvon Martin. I am a white woman, lower-middle class, sure, but I have no idea what it is like to be black or a man. I can’t imagine it; my whiteness and woman identity won’t allow that. I can however empathize. Finally, this post isn’t about the legality of the Zimmerman verdict. This is about how we get to a place where that verdict is legal.

We should take a minute and look at the culture of fear we live in, and its impact on the various groups within it. Take a minute to remember the culture of fear surrounds 9/11 and terrorism in addition to the domestic fears we’re all taught. I’m just saying the US is no stranger to breeding a culture of fear (which goes farther back than 9/11) to keep people compliant and malleable to the will of those in power. I will not presume to discuss what it is like for a black man in our society. I will however point you to Questlove and Colorlines, and ask you not to read Richard Cohen (actually that last one is just good life advice, but the links take to you to some criticism of his article).

Questlove’s piece, “Trayvon Martin and I ain’t shit,” talks about being the default group stimulating fear in other groups, “I mean, that is a crazy way to live. Seriously, imagine a life in which you think of other people’s safety and comfort first, before your own. You’re programmed and taught that from the gate. It’s like the opposite of entitlement.”

Yes. This resonated with me in a way that is difficult to explain. For women, this is socialization. We’re supposed to worry about other people and their feelings. As Questlove get to in his piece, there are exceptions when you fear for your safety. But my comfort always comes after everyone else’s, always. This means waiting longer, physically moving or being moved out of the way, pushed to the side, and a severe attitude when I presume to speak up for myself.

Once, in an undergrad sociology course, we were asked if we’d cross the street it we say a black man walking toward us on an empty street. Everyone in the class vehemently denied ever doing that, and stated they would never. I said I would. Although, I noted, not because the man coming toward me was black, but instead because the man was a man. As a woman, I was taught to fear men (usually men of color) I don’t know, hell after our freshman orientation, we were told to fear the men you know as well. Even now, years later, after so many life experiences that prove men you don’t know are way less likely to hurt you, I still would cross that hypothetical street. I know the stats on stranger assaults, but that indoctrination runs too deep. Jessica Valenti has a great piece on white women’s fear of men of color for The Nation. Want proof? Women are told to have their headphones in, but their Ipods off so we can hear what is going on around us, but be able to pretend we can't hear street harassment, walk with your keys between your knuckles, don't walk alone, don't walk alone after dark, don't get into a car with a man you don't know (or you know), etc.

In a way, Questlove and I are coming from completely opposite sides of the same experience, yet arriving at similar conclusions. Black men are taught they will always be feared, while women (I’d say all women, but in the literature the emphasis is on white women) are taught we’ll always be the victims, and it will be our fault unless we do everything and then some to prevent it (it should be noted that when the perpetrator of violence against women is white, it is her fault, but if he is a man of color than it is his fault according to the racist sociological power structure). Please see my many posts on rape and victim blaming. It is kind of amazing in a way we’re both at fault for everything by doing nothing. In the end we’re both trapped in this system, and there is nothing we can do about it. Even when I make a conscious effort not to do something I know to be sexist or by extension racist (crossing the street to avoid a man or group of men), I know that if something were to happen my lack of avoidance would make it my fault. We get these roles assigned, and there is no way to shake them without overthrowing the system we are stuck in (which I advocate). And as a result black men are taught to be overly reassuring that they are no threat, and women are taught that if you do not treat everyone as a threat then you are leaving yourself open to victimization.

The gender dynamic at play here is emphasized when Questlove discusses when he found himself in an elevator with a woman. He asked her which floor was her's to push the button, and she didn't tell him. He assumes this is because he is black, and therefore perceived as a threat to women. However, as BA and I discussed, this isn't just a race issue, nothing is because everything intersects. This is a gender socialization issue as well. That said, this woman could have withheld information just because he is black, but we don't actually know other than that is how Questlove felt. BA and I wouldn't tell any man in an elevator which floor was our's. The sheer act of asking puts me on the defensive. 

My friend S, a woman of color, agreed with Questlove; she thought the woman in the elevator withheld the information because he was black. She and I discussed it, and I explained I would never tell a dude my elevator floor within my age range or slightly older regardless of color, but maybe more so if he were white (statistically you're more likely to be attacked by members of your own race). S pointed out that being older she has even less concern, and we both agreed that class factors in (are you more or less likely to tell a man in an elevator your floor if the hotel is really nice or not?). S and I also discussed President Obama's assertion that if Martin were white he'd be alive. If Martin were white and middle class he wouldn't have been stalked. And even if we pretend that Martin had attacked Zimmerman, which I don't believe, if Martin were white he'd have been in the clear.

I want to point out that by keeping black men the cause of all things to be feared and women in constant fear, those with social power keep it. They benefit from this structure…someone always benefits or that structure wouldn’t exist anymore.

Questlove also talks about the compartmentalization of feelings because of interactions with people who present fear: “But my feelings don’t count. I don’t know why it’s that way. Mostly I’ve come to the conclusion that people over six feet and over weight regulation or as dark as me (or in my tax bracket) simply don’t have feelings. Or it’s assumed we don’t have feelings. I mean, it’s partially right: I literally figured the only way for me to not go insane is a career that creates junkies (or at best Kanye) is to desensitize myself from feelings. The thing is, though, I’m a halfway crook, an awesome poker player. Yeah, I hurt. But I’ll be damned if I let you know that. Call me a 75 percent robot, 25 percent human being.”

This struck me because several of my friends point out my emotional responses to situations are not appropriate, i.e. not the response they expect or desire. It breaks my heart that an entire group of people behaves this way. However, part of me also reread that and went over six feet tall? Really? I've had men physically pick me up and move me out of the way, friends do this and men I don't know with a complete disregard to my feelings, comfort, or my personal space. But there are specific instances in everyone's lives when they are presumed to not be important enough to have their feelings taken into account.

A personal anecdote, after graduating high school with honors my mother told me and my sister J that she was so proud of us. Sure, we had high class rankings, honors, etc. But what my mother was proud of as she would go on to tell me was that a junior high school instructor told her that my sister and I were too stupid to go to the college prep high school we chose; the same school our older sister attended. She advised my mother to save the tuition because we’d never finish. The bar was set so low, our feelings, aspirations, etc didn't matter. I remember when my mother said this I laughed and was crushed, I had always liked that instructor. Questlove also mentions laughing when he felt like crying in the face of some of these experiences.

I mention this because I attribute my emotional compartmentalization to reactions to situations stemming from my childhood, which often had a class and gender focus. Poor kids are stupid and won’t amount to much. Girls should worry about getting married and having babies because, what else are they going to do? This last stereotype is of particular importance when it comes to the intersections of class and gender. The bar is set so low that you always prepare for and expect the worse. Part of this is of course, women are supposed to be accommodating so you can’t put people out with your feelings, and the being low-income means presenting like nothing bothers you. Like Questlove, I have a pretty great poker face. I found this line so poignant because a few months ago, I was playing cards with a group of people, predominately white men, and all of them wore their thoughts and feelings on their faces. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but after a while I got to thinking it might be because it was rare they had to hide their feelings. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that, no one should have to, and arguably for me at least it has gotten to the point where I can’t not hide my feelings. I feel exceptionally vulnerable when I share my feelings, even the most trivial, which is why I only divulge such information to trusted friends.

Questlove closes his piece by asking a very simple question, “I’m still human, right?” This too struck so close to home. I ask this question all the time and used it as a response. When asked about my desire to work with the homeless and the low-income, I always say because they’re human and deserve what we all deserve. Every time I read another anti-choice bill is up, or when a public figure suggests women should be kept at home, or when there is a new redevelopment group going through Slavic Village pushing more low-income people out of homes and business, I ask that, but I don't know if Ohio has redefined what human means to exclude us. I also find myself asking this or reading a variation of this question in respect to sexual assault

We're all human, and those who benefit from oppression benefit from convincing us other people are less than human.

***I want to note that I’m talking about men of color and women (inclusive definition), but even if not called out specifically, I think we can expand this argument to the LGBTQ population as well as other people of color. Though, again, I wouldn’t presume to speak on their behalf.

Angry Rant and a Sincere Thank You to the DC Police

I should first disclose that I do not have all the facts. But what I do know is am I livid, and this is distracting me from work and my thesis.

Last night, my friend was followed home. She was walking alone in DC (Columbia Heights specifically), and 7 men (though I use the term very loosely) decided to follow her. She didn't realize they were until a police lady stopped her and offered her a ride home. During this, the men stopped walking and waited for the officer to leave my friend.

My friend could have been killed. While sexual assault is an everyday reality for many women, the potential is there, haven't you heard about rape culture? Be afraid, hide under the covers. This was not that. This was potentially anti-trans violence.

I don't have figures on the violence focused on trans persons within DC. I know the figures are bad, and that it is coming out of neighborhoods that are gentrifying quickly. Of course, that is not to imply causation, but a descriptive statement.

To live in that kind of fear just because you express who you are and that happens to deviate from conventional standards is horrifying.

That all being said, I feel compelled to say thank you to the DC police department and that officer specifically. A lot of people wouldn't have stopped given the general dislike and disinterest in trans people.

McCain More of the Same?

Al-Qaeda Supporters Endore McCainl. No I’m not making this up. It was featured on Huffington Post yesterday. Apparently, these supporters belief will continue the era of war and fear. I wonder where they would get an idea like that? Four more years! McCain More of the Same!

I heard that on Rachel Maddow tonight McCain's campaign is responding. My guess is that the McCain camp is going to play up fears...something along the lines of Obama not being experienced enough to handle things...