Don Lemon is still on TV, can someone explain this to me?

Begin angry rant. Don Lemon says terrible things. I know this; you know this. I imagine the people who pay him know this. I also imagine he is profitable, right? Drumming up controversy by saying stupid shit? I mean that is every right wing pundit. However, Lemon is now telling an alleged sexual assault victim she should have fought harder then she wouldn’t have been raped.

I don’t know how to begin this. I really don’t. I mean I could start with some advice my father gave me in junior high, “Don’t pick a fight you can’t win” or I could start by saying that they tell you the most important thing is to survive. But the latter is just something they say and don’t mean, and the first, well that’s solid advice. See the fine print, if you fight back and lose, well then you are a victim, cut and dry, but you may also be killed because rapists are violent and will probably kill you or beat you within an inch of your life, but hey no one will question your victimhood—except when they do anyway. Or you can prioritize survival, and know that it is going to end. At some point he is going to be stop. But then you’re going to have to defend your experience at every turn. People are always going to want to know why? Why didn’t you do all the things they tell women to do so they aren’t raped?

Lemon pretty much says if you’re raped well you should have fought back harder so you’re at fault. I would love just once people to publicly say men who rape are at fault, and we should teach men not to rape (and not you know receive a public backlash and rape threats). I don’t understand why part of my adolescence was about learning how not to be raped. Any of you guys get that talk? Maybe, you got a how not to be a rapist talk? No? Of course not.^ It is wrong to treat all men like rapists; their feelings might be hurt. We can condition all women to expect to be victims though. I mean that can’t have long reaching consequences. And god forbids we me make men mildly uncomfortable. Right?

Better not talk about it, someone might be uncomfortable. Better not talk about it, your boyfriend will feel bad and think you’re broken. Better not talk about it, no one will believe you. Better not talk about it because your father won’t be able to look you in the eyes. Better not talk about it because there is no coming back from that victimhood. No point in talking about it, because you waited too long. The police won’t believe you. He didn’t seem like a rapist, after all they are easily identified by the long black coats. Are you sure it was rape? Were you clear that you didn’t want to have sex?

I think men should be uncomfortable. Women are. Silence and shame go hand in hand, and I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable because you don’t want to acknowledge someone’s lived experience. But I give exactly zero fucks. I also think people who have nothing to contribute to the conversation should just stop talking. I’m looking at you Lemon, Goldberg, and every other rape apologist. I’m looking at and blocking the people trolling those posting on the #WhenIwasRaped. But Lemon is still on TV, and there are people on this hashtag calling for a #WhyIRaped and saying they are uncomfortable. Well filter the damn hashtag. And as for a #WhyIRaped, sure rapists should be the responsible party, but maybe not asking for it in a place where survivors are sharing their stories? Also, I give zero fucks what rapists have to say. Also, there are studies that interview rapists, and yes, they are disturbing. End angry rant.

^I am putting a note here that of course men can be victims/survivors of sexual assault and women can be perpetrators. However, women are disproportionately the victims/survivors. That doesn’t deny men’s experiences, but it does make one think and the power differential between genders and how structural forces are at play.