Women, you know.

I don’t know what to do about trolls. Usually, I give zero fucks about trolls. I. Just. Can’t. I can ignore rape threats and support those who receive them, but at the end of the day we all know most of the people making these threats are impotent, insignificant, people with little if any merit. PZ Meyers argues for ignoring the trolls while Lindy West advocated for feeding the trolls till their minds explode. Obviously, something happened to get me all pissy.

Trolls descended on Amanda Berry after she had the audacity to go to a concert with friends after ten years in captivity. Apparently, all women must live in fear and sequestration after surviving violence forever. Berry went to a Nelly concert in Cleveland after she and the other survivors were invited by a local radio personality. Nelly invited her on stage and dedicated a song to her. She was met with applause for surviving her ordeal.

Salon had a piece by Mary Elizabeth Williams on the trolls, and excerpt is below:

On CNN over the weekend, Nelly told Erin Burnett, “What stuck with me most was that she had a smile on her face. That’s one of the most impressive things to me, considering everything she had been through … I thought, wow, that was special.” But Burnett was too busy being amazed that “She looked totally normal.”

Burnett’s concerned astonishment was charitable compared to what the lowest form of opinion generators – Internet commenters – had to say about Berry’s newly reignited social life. “It’s just odd given the years of abuse she suffered. Normally she would not have that kind of trust or comfort. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t make sense,” wrote one concerned ABC News commenter, while another more bluntly decided, “It seems to me she was enjoying it and is gonna use her ordeal to cash in.” Many were concerned that she appeared with a man who stood behind her and warmly put his arm around her and kissed her neck while she was onstage. Or, as some of the ABC commenters decided, he was a “dirt bag hanging all over her,” who “groped” and “pawed” her. A CBS News commenter more generously decided she looked “pretty hot.” And 645 comments later on NBC, Berry had plenty of well-wishers but also comments about her eyebrow piercing, and how she doesn’t look like “a real victim….lol.” And of course, if you want to plumb the absolute bottom of the barrel, there’s YouTube, where Berry is being  accused of “milking everything she’s getting.”

You don’t expect much beyond a gaping, misspelled void when you stare into the cold dark place that is Internet comments. But what’s appalling – if not entirely surprising – is realizing that the judging and shaming that rots the soul of online community goes that deep. It goes all the way down to picking on a woman who spent a decade being abused, because she had the nerve to go outside and be happy. And it sadly presumes that there’s an appropriate way to behave after an unfathomable nightmare. “I can’t even imagine the type of strength and the type of courage that it took to keep it going,” Nelly told Berry Saturday night. “For that again I commend you, and I say thank you.” He then broke into “Just a Dream,” singing, “I traveled back down that road. Will she come back? No one knows.” And Amanda Berry smiled, and she danced.

I know it is lengthy, but I think there is a lot of merit in here. Nelly speaks to how well Berry is doing, which is inspiring that someone can survive something this horrific and be able to smile again. Erin Burrnett, like the trolls, seem to think there is a right way and a wrong way to look like a survivor. People who say things like this on some level believe that survivors are supposed to be ruined, they are supposed to never be normal again, essentially, they have to live the rest of their lives as dictated by the worst thing that someone else has done to them.

Take a minute. What would that look like for you? I want someone to tell me how long one must be a victim or survivor before they can go back to being themselves. I want to know how long someone else’s awful behaviors gets to determine his/her “victim’s” lives. How long does one have to include this disclaimer? Sorry, this may trigger me because someone else made the decision to take control over my body and life so now I always have to disclose forever and ever.

I reject this. I reject the idea that the victimizer gets to have this power over his/her victim indefinitely. I know people are triggered and maybe triggered for the rest of their lives, but I don’t know why everyone else gets to decide how you’re supposed to react after a trauma. It is offensive to every fiber of my being. A friend and I discussed her sexual trauma and this concept of permanency. She wrestles with it in relationships with men, when to tell them, how long to wait, how soon is too soon, and then maybe she waited too long. Explaining to a partner what being triggered is like, and the strain that can place on a relationship. But at the end of the day she doesn’t introduce herself as a survivor, not because she is ashamed, but because she is more than a survivor, and the sexual abuse she survived doesn’t get to define who she is, it may inform who she is, but she gets to define herself.

The trolls’ statements about Berry speak to the fact that people are to blame for their own abuse or how they aren’t performing to the expectations of society so the abuse she suffered comes into doubt. This is infuriating. This is misogyny. This is how our culture treats women. 

I want to point out that Ariel Castro made some excuses for his behavior in his statement during sentencing. These trolls have a lot in common with Castro, which should make everyone uncomfortable. Castro said,

• the girls weren't virgins,
• the sex was consensual,
• the women never should have got in the car with him, and
• Berry isn't suffering if she's going to a concert.

Yeah, that last one.  Victim blaming. It sucks. Maybe everyone should take a minute on the internet and ask, do I sound like a man who held three women against their well for a decade before saying something stupid? I mean that can be the low bar.

I don’t know. I get frustrated and sad that this continues to happen. I think it is indicative that women’s bodies are property of society, the state, and everyone but the women. Additionally, this is clearly influenced by gendered roles society forces on women. Society dictates women have the responsibility when it comes to sex (so called keepers of the gate according to abstinence education). Thus when a woman is sexually assaulted then it is somehow her fault for not protecting her virtue. Archaic I know, but on some level I have to wonder if this isn’t still the main stream reasoning. Rape myths permeate our society, and they are rooted in the patriarchy. We live in a society that normalizes violence and victim blaming.

Sources

Creek, S.J. & Dunn, J.L. (2011). Rethinking gender and violence: Agency, heterogeneity and Intersectionality. Department of Sociology, Southern Illinois University Carbonale.

 Hayes, R.M., Lorenz, K., & Bell, K.A. (2013). Victim blaming others: Rape myth acceptance and the just world belief. Feminist Criminology, 8: 202.

Thapar-Bjorkert, S. & Morgan, K.J. (2010). “But sometimes I think…They put themselves in the situation”: Exploring blame and responsibility in interpersonal violence. Violence Against Women, 16, 32.

Berry, DeJesus, and Knight release a statement

This is beautiful. The women all appear to be in good health and optimistic about the future. They express gratitude to all those who have sent support and kindness. I highly recommend watching the video.

I’ve said it once; I’ll say it a hundred times: the Internet is where everything good goes to die.

So I felt really uncomfortable about how everyone was talking about Charles Ramsey; the man who helped Michelle Knight, Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and the child escape. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but something was wrong with the way people were talking about him. I believe this man is a hero. He intervened in what he believed was a domestic violence situation, which is something a lot of people just look the other way from. Not only did he call the police, but he kicked the bottom of a screen door.

But everyone kept repeating McDonalds and the testicles line. Atlantic Wire had a piece by Connor Simpson on why Charles Ramsey is an Internet hero for all the wrong reasons, which boils down to racism and classism. Simpson also doesn’t doubt Ramsey’s heroism, but he too finds this “instant meme-ification” off putting. He notes that Ramsey is a lower-income black man talking about a horrible crime, and the constant playing of his interview to see the stereotypes without thinking about the realities of what is happening. I don’t doubt people understand what happened to the three women, but the realities of why Ramsey is an Internet sensation i.e. a black man who gave a detailed interview. Honestly, the line about a “pretty white girl running into the arms of a black man, I knew something had to be wrong” makes me cringe for a lot of reasons. Mostly, the internalized racism and systemic racism that promotes this idea that white women are afraid of men of color.

Simpson notes how quickly Ramsey became a meme. After one day, both interviews have gone viral, as have Vines of his facial expressions, GIFS, he was trending on Twitter, and autotune mixes. Essentially, this comes off as a joke, and black men on television aren’t jokes. Specifically, a man who aided in the rescue of three imprisoned women and one child for a decade should be treated as a hero. Miles Klee wrote for Blackbook, “Perhaps it’s time for the world’s meme artists to stop assuming that any black dude getting interviewed on local news about a crime he helped to foil can be reduced to some catch phrase or in-joke.” Well put.

Klee argues, and Simpson seconds, “Just this once let’s celebrate the man himself—without using gifs or Photoshop.” Simpson notes that this meme-ification distracts from the crime he assisted in ending.

I have a slight update on the rumors circulating about the three women and the case. First Jezebel had two posts last night on the hear-say surrounding the case. Let’s start with Michelle Knight. There haven’t been any photos of Knight since her escape and that there wasn’t much information immediately after her disappearance presumably because of her race, which everyone was assuming, is black. However, she was an adult when she disappeared, and now there are reports she had a mental condition since the age of 17, which is three years before her disappearance. I say this to remind everyone how difficult it is to file a kidnapping report on someone who is an adult because they can go wherever they want freely, let alone when this person has a mental condition.

The second post was on the reported neighbors who claim to have called the police in the past about the house. At least three people are saying they called the police multiple times about the house for a variety of things indicating abuse of women was going on. I’m not saying this didn’t happen, but I’m also not saying it has happened. The police haven’t shared any information indicating they received these calls. My initial reaction was people are afraid to admit they didn’t know anything was going on in that house and feel bad. Maybe the calls were made, but Cleveland has a fairly high crime rate, and while these calls if they were made should have been taken seriously, the police can’t kick in a door without cause. So if they show up and nothing seems out of the ordinary, then nothing happens.

I am concerned about the rise of articles that will promote both of these assertions: 1. Knight isn’t and didn’t receive attention because of her race (though she appears Latina, not black which was the assertion) and 2. Articles on the inept police, when there is nothing to support this as of yet. If the police didn’t do their jobs, I’ll be all over that, but until we know for sure I’d rather the speculation die down a bit. Rumors like these can distract from the case. They can create a culture of fear and doubt as to whether the police are doing their jobs. So until we have proof, let's all take a step back.

Finally, Rush Limbaugh is an awful human being, if he is one, who doesn’t know how welfare works. Rush has asserted that Berry and her daughter are on welfare, and the brothers Castro voted for Obama. Well, let’s begin with Obama was elected in 2008 so before the girls were taken. But whatever, sure maybe they did vote for him…but we’ll never know given the secret ballot…just what they wanted all along! Additionally, I have a few questions about being on welfare when you’re held prisoner. 1. Was the child on the case? Because it is much harder to get cash benefits without the child being on the case, but with a child comes paternity (of both the parent not requesting the benefits). If Castro requested the benefits they would have needed to prove who the mother was. 2. Was Berry allowed out to register for benefits? I’m guessing no. That is as far as I’m taking this shit-show. I’m offended I had to go this far that bastard. Those women were tortured for a decade and all Rush cares about is blaming the left.

I will echo what the police said, respect the women. Respect their experience, and let the police do their jobs, and then the prosecutors. I’ll add Charles Ramsey to this list of people who deserve respect. 


***Correction: I stand corrected. According to Atlantic Wire the Cleveland Police have walked back their previous statements following the USA Today report. They now say they did receive two 911 calls about the Castro house, but neither appeared to be about the kidnapping. Their statement: 

"Upon researching our call intake system extensively, only two calls for service from police are shown at that address. One call was from the resident, Ariel Castro, reporting a fight in the street. The second call was in relation to an incident regarding Ariel Castro and his duties as a bus driver."

This is what we heard during the press conference. I'm still wondering about these alleged called from neighbors. 


***Additional update: they have turned on Charles Ramsey. Apparently, the media is reporting on his criminal record which includes serving time for domestic violence. Which to me makes his interference in what he believed was a domestic dispute all the more heroic, but everyone else is an idiot and awful human being. General reminder, once some serves their time, they are allowed to live their lives and maybe even commit random acts of heroism. #IHateEveryone

Michelle Knight, Amanda Berry, and Gina DeJesus

Remember when you were a child and people told you urban legends to make sure you’d behave? You knew there was probably a factual root to these stories at some point, but they never happened to anyone you knew. I think about the gang initiation of driving around without headlights on and then killing anyone who signaled them by flashing their high-beams. We were told never to do that when driving because at some level my father believed that was a thing and maybe it was once.

The disappearances of Michelle Knight, Amanda Berry, and Gina DeJesus were not urban legends. They happened when I was in high school, once a year for three years. I remember Gina and Amanda’s disappearances clearest. I probably heard about Amanda’s from Fox 8, it was what we always had on in the background before school until my parents left then MTV (when they played music videos). Amanda’s disappearance was scarier in a way because she was coming home from work, and who didn’t work? All those evenings when I’d stand outside of the hospital I worked at waiting for someone to pick me up. And my sisters, they worked in sketchier neighborhoods.

The women disappeared over the course of three years. Michelle Knight was last seen on August 23, 2002. She was twenty and at a cousin’s house near W. 106 and Lorain. Amanda Berry was last seen at 7:40pm on April 23, 2003 after leaving work, which I am pretty sure was Burger King, but I haven’t seen anything that says that yet. She was 16 and only had a few blocks to walk home. Gina DeJesus disappeared while walking home from school on April 2, 2004. She was last seen at a payphone around 3:00pm.

That is until yesterday when they were all found alive. They were found in a house of Cleveland’s near West Side (Seymour Ave.) where they had been held prisoner for a decade. Berry called the police on Monday afternoon, and told the dispatcher she was alive and free after being held captive in a house. Their identities were confirmed.

Berry, 27, DeJesus, 23, and Knight, 30, were all taken to MetroHealth Medical Center where the police were to interview them. There have also been reports of a small child being taken as well. The assumption is the small child is Amanda’s daughter.

The police arrested three brothers, ages O’Neil Castro, 50, Ariel Castro, 52, and Pedro Castro, 54. Neighbors said the owners of the house was Ariel Castro, 52, a Cleveland school bus driver until last November and had lived in the house since 1992. Records show he was arrested for domestic violence in 1993. The police were searching the house Monday night into Tuesday morning.

The women are safe and were examined at MetroHealth Medical Center.

According to Mayor Jackson’s statements the Cleveland Police responded twice to that address once in 2002 (Castro called the police about fight in the street, no arrests)  and once in 2004 (police knocked on the door, but no answer, this was about Castro leaving a child on a bus, but no criminal intent on Castro’s part). The mayor and Chief of Police stressed the importance of the women’s safety and mental health. They need space and time. I’m actually amazed at the stress the police are putting on sensitivity for the victims. The police will charge the brothers within 36 hours after arrest.

Berry was the first to get out of the house; she escaped through a broken door. A child followed her out. The police rescued the other two women, and they all were taken to the hospital. The identity of the child isn’t known. Dr. Gerald Maloney, emergency room doctor at MetroHealth, said the women are in fair condition, “They are able to speak, they are safe, and hospital staff are assessing their needs and evaluating if they will spend the night. This is good. This is not the ending we usually see from these stories.” The women were released around midnight last night.

A neighbor, Charles Ramsey assisted Amanda leave the house. He heard a girl screaming, “Help, help me out.” He kicked in the bottom of the door so she could crawl out and then called the police and said the girl looked familiar. He assumed it was a domestic violence situation. Ramsey said Castro took off running when he kicked and broken the bottom of the door, which allowed Berry to crawl out. Ramsey reportedly offered to help more after calling the police and assisting Amanda.

A little information on missing people in Cleveland: Over the past 8 years 109 people were reported missing, with an additional 19,208 people reported missing and returned. The breakdown of age and gender is 16% adult females, 26 adult males, 37% juvenile females, and 30% juvenile males. Cleveland has a nifty report and website dedicated to the missing. I don’t have the time to go into too much and dig through old data.

I’ve noticed the reporters trying to blame the police for not finding the women earlier, but as the police noted, this is Amanda’s rescue. She yelled for help, she called the police, and she saved them. All that said I couldn’t be happier these women were all found alive. This is some kind of happy ending after what I can only assume was a decade of a nightmare. 

***Correction Onil Castro, 50. I didn't have a spelling initially.