Arguably the best
line of the night, most likely adlibbed. The 2015
State of the Union address was, well I had low expectations. Ok, so here’s
the thing. I’m not happy, and I know that is because I’m tired, old, and cranky,
but this whole President Obama gives no fucks thing needs to stop. It needs to
stop because Obama does in fact have fucks to give. You can tell by the way he
didn’t threaten to veto a 20 week abortion ban during the speech, which he did
that morning. He didn’t say, I’m pro-choice, and I’m going to veto any anti-choice
bills. No he said, “We still may not agree on a woman’s right to choose, but
surely, we can agree it’s a good thing that teen pregnancies and abortions are
nearing all-time lows, and that every woman should have access to the health care
that she needs.” Yeah, we can’t all agree that women should have the right to
make their own medical decisions. Well, I don’t care people disagree with me,
and a man giving no fucks wouldn’t either. Just saying.
What else was
missing, well women at large. You’d think I’d be used to it. Also, couldn’t say
NetNeutrality? Oh, and Ferguson “We may have different takes on the events of
Ferguson and New York. But surely we can understand a father who fears his son
can’t walk home without being harassed. And surely we can understand the wife
who won’t rest until the police officer she married walks through the front
door at the end of his shift.” Now, I don’t want the police murdered, but I’m
not sure the murder of children and the deaths of police are on the same level,
after all, police sign up for a dangerous job while black boys are just going
out for some skittles. #BlackLivesMatter, not all lives matter. Of course,
everyone matters, but the point of #BlackLivesMatter is to draw attention to
the murder of people of color by the police, which isn’t happening to white
people. And of course the phrasing isn’t
mutually exclusive, by saying the lives of black people matter isn’t the same
as saying all other lives do not matter, or more specifically, white lives.

