Happy Father’s Day, feminists ruin everything

Sometimes I think people just troll feminists for fun. Laurie Shrage wrote a piece on how unfair it is to force men into fatherhood last week.  She begins with a roundabout “father’s day” discussion, but asks her readers to focus on the fathers who assume the role not freely, but because it is legally mandated. She thinks we should ask some really messy questions about this. I agree. You know what is crazy to me? Forcing an intimate partner violence victim to disclose the name of her child’s father when her safety is at risk for welfare benefits.

Shrage argues that men are somehow more trapped than women when a child is unplanned…I’m not sure we should be trying to rate this, but ok hierarchy of oppression it is. She also blames the women’s rights advocates and feminists (hide your children the scary feminists are coming) because they demand motherhood be a voluntary condition, not imposed by culture of nature. Men, she argues aren’t afforded the same. Instead they can suggest abortion, but the decision is the woman’s to make (damn right because we can’t have abusive partners forcing women to carry children as a way to control them). However, if the woman chooses to keep the fetus the man is stuck with child support payments.

Shrage then asks these two gems: “Do men now have less reproductive autonomy than women? Should men have more control over when and how they become parents, as many women now do?”

Shrage cites political philosopher Elizabeth Brake, who argues that feminists should be in support of providing men with more options instead of compulsory fatherhood. Brake argues that men should at most be responsible for partial costs of pregnancy, which they are partially responsible. No feminists are in favor of granting men the men the right to coerce women into making specific reproductive choices. According to Shrage, women shouldn’t be allowed to force men into fatherhood.

She argues that historically it was necessary for women to determine paternity because of children born to unmarried women being deemed “illegitimate” and had few rights. She argues that now a child’s paternity has less impact on the child’s future. Um false, but we’ll come back to that. She concludes having two parents provides significant advantages for the child.

Of course, there are obligations for fathers via the state. Shrage notes legal scholar Jane Murphy argues that fatherhood’s definition is being defined by laws and court decisions by privileging a man’s biological tie to a child over other criteria. Murphy also claims that the government’s goal of establishing paternity is driven by the collection of child support from men whose biological offspring are in the welfare system, and lawsuits from men aiming to avoid financial responsibility for their dependents. Murphy argues for legislators and judges to “recognize multiple bases for legal fatherhood” guided by “the traditional goals of family law—protecting children and preserving family stability.”

They are looking for alternative ties to the child instead of just the biological. Shrage does use the phrasing, “They [different ties to the child] would protect a naïve man who, in a moment of exuberance with a girlfriend, allows his name to be put on a birth certificate, and a man whose only tie to the child is biological.” Um, sorry. Poor dudes, willingly putting their names on birth certificates. I’m not sure why these men are naïve. You become the legally responsible father when you put your name on the birth certificate. Any questions?

Murphy notes that forcing legal paternity can endanger the mother and child because the legal fathers may resort to violence when child support orders are issued. Shrage continues to argue that “Feminists have long held that women should not be penalized for being sexually active by taking away their options when an accidental pregnancy occurs. Do our policies now aim to publish and shame men for their sexual promiscuity?...Moreover, the asymmetrical options that men and women now have when dealing with an unplanned pregnancy set up power imbalances in their sexual relationship that my male students find hugely unfair to them Rather than punish men (or women) for their apparent reproductive irresponsibility by coercing legal paternity (or maternity), the government has other options, such as mandatory sex education, family planning counseling, or community service.”

Shrage concludes with this “Policies that punish men for accidental pregnancies also punish those children who must manage a lifelong relationship with an absent but legal father. These ‘fathers’ are not ‘dead-beat dads’ failing to live up to responsibility they once took on—they are men who never voluntarily took on the responsibilities of fatherhood with respect to a particular child. We need to respect men’s reproductive autonomy, as Brake suggests, by providing them more options in the case of an accidental pregnancy.”

I think there are a few things to remember in all this. Forced fatherhood blows, but condoms are really effective. So if you don’t want to be a father use one. Also, who is having sex with people who haven’t discussed views on repro-choice? I know us feminist killjoys are always bring the serious, but as a rule, I will not have sex with anyone anti-choice. But let’s look at a few of the main points.

First, power imbalances and privilege. I’m sorry, but I can’t get behind argument that men are at a power disadvantage when it comes to repro rights. Forced fatherhood sucks, but women who carry condoms are harassed by police and accused of sex work. Some pharmacies refuse to sell birth control because RELIGION. If we’re looking for the oppression Olympics, as Shrage asserts early in her article, I’m not sold. That isn’t even including the restricting of abortion rights across the country. Now birth control tampering is a real thing, and it works both ways. Some men refuse to wear a condom or screw up a woman's hormonal birth control, and like wise some women refuse to take hormonal birth control or tamper with condoms, etc. But let's be clear, coercion is more often the menfolk than the women when it comes to coercive pregnancies.

Second, there are separate standards and consequences for promiscuous men and women. This also ties to privilege. Men who sleep around are awesome and seen to be more masculine. I don’t agree with the pressures put on men to have multiple partners if they don’t want to, but a 14 year old girl was raped in Indiana, and the town decided she was a slut and deserved it. So fellas, check your privilege before you can come crying to me about a double standard. I am regularly slut shamed by male friends, yes friends (demonstrating how little they know about my personal life or issues surrounding women in US culture). The expectations are still very gendered. Additionally, women who walk away from their children are viewed as much worse than their male counterparts because parenting is still largely seen as a woman’s responsibility. Men are fiscally responsible, but that is it. It sucks, but no one demands biological fathers spend time with the child. Also, men who reject their children might get the term dead-beat dad used, but that is often accompanied by the assumption that the mother is a slut and the child isn’t his. That discussion isn’t included by Shrage either.

Third, paternity has an impact on a child’s future.  Shrage asserts that paternity has less of an impact on a child’s future now than ever before. Not in low-income communities (Shrage notes her students who are low-income people of color) because there is a discussion around welfare to be had. I don’t agree with forcing paternity for child support payments because it isn’t an effective system. My research in Cleveland and Baltimore has shown that black women who receive TANF have to report the fathers’ of their children to receive benefits, which at times puts the women in a dangerous place when violence is part of the relationship (all poor people and people of color don’t have violent relationships). But also, black men are incarcerated at a higher rate than other races, when you are in prison you cannot make child support payments. The payments are suspended so when/if you get out you have all these back payments. So maybe this is the first conversation we should be having around child support? It is also still being debated whether the child support payments assist in raising the income of the mother enough to have her exit welfare. What we know now, is there seems to be a correlation, but we need more data. Women leaving welfare with employment are less likely to come back on welfare when they receive child support.

I’m sure I’m missing things, but these are the three areas that struck me. Men and women occupy different spaces and powers. As a result behaviors including sexual behaviors are still perceived and punished differently, and paternity has lasting impacts on children. Men shouldn’t be forced into paternity, but as long as women have to demonstrate paternity to receive benefits from the state, men will be forced to take legal responsibility.

Shrage makes no recommendations to correct the false she see. I have one, welfare reform. Take away the federal time limit and restrictions on children conceived while the mother is receiving benefits (often these children never qualify for benefits until they are 18 years old, putting an added importance on child support). Put more distance between child support and TANF. Relax restrictions on qualifying for TANF benefits which includes making it easier for men with children to qualify. Amazingly, Shrage has nothing to say about expanding welfare to include more fathers. Perhaps most important, we need to remove the emphasis placed on marriage by TANF. Finally and anecdotally, I’ve seen women who refuse to name a father on a birth certificate; they are denied benefits, and then the father/family of the father attempt to screw with the mother by claiming paternity rights. These men and their families should then be legally required to pay back child support for the child they claim after the fact. These situations are often violent and abusive. 

***"Denise, disable the youtube comments." for BA. This is going to be a thing.