People lie about sex

I know contain your shock. I can’t believe I missed this article from Tracy Clark-Flory on Salon. I’m a little disappointed in myself. Anyway, I find this so interesting because I never lied about sexual partners until about five or six years ago, and the relationship went bad anyway so I figure it isn’t really worth it. However, the thought does cross my mind when I meet someone new and this conversation comes up, if it comes up. On an intellectual level, my sexual history is no one’s business, but my own. This of course is different for someone who has contracted an STI, and then I feel you are obligated to share that information with a new partner even if condoms are being used. But another part of me thinks sometimes it is just easier to reflect back the expectation set by my partner…not lying exactly, just let him/her believe what he/she wants.

Flory is discussing the new study out of Ohio State University that found sex is the one area that people lie consistently. The study found that both men and women lie about their sexual behavior to conform to gender expectations.  

The researchers had college students fill out a questionnaire about how often they engage in over 100 different behaviors. Due to a previous study the behaviors could be categorized as typically male or female. Half the participants were hooked to a polygraph machine and told as much. However, the machine didn’t actually work, but the participants didn’t know that, but it was there to make the participants feel pressured to tell the truth. What the researchers found was that both males and females regardless of being hooked to the polygraph machine readily admitted behaviors that didn’t conform to gender norms.

This of course changed when it came to sex. The men hooked to the polygraph reported fewer sexual partners that the men who didn’t think their honesty was being measured. The opposite is true for women. The polygraph attached women reported more sexual partners than the polygraph attached men. Researcher Terri Fisher said, “Sexuality seemed to be the one area where people felt some concern if they didn’t meet the stereotypes of a typical man or typical woman.”

Again, try to keep it together, I know you’re shocked. The study says, “What is known about gender differences in sexual behaviors comes largely from studies involving self-reporting and therefore may be subject to culturally-based gender expectations and stereotypes that could then result in biased reporting.”

Another part of me can’t help but wonder why people continue to lie? I get being in high school and lying to fit in, but as college students (adults, really), why does the desire remain? Especially in a research setting. I lied to my partner because he was making a very big deal out of it believing that because I’m a feminist I must have a very high number. It was becoming an issue in our relationship (and no comments about my awful taste in men, I’m well aware) despite my consistently clear STI results, so I low balled the number. Specifically, I went lower than his number. But I have never lied to my doctors, researchers, or friends. Though I discovered a few years ago that my friends (many being lesbians) and I have a different metric system for counting (I was using a hetero-normative one, shame on me). I’d be interested if in the women in the study deceive their physicians because that could have potential dangerous implications.