About that guy who doesn’t want to acknowledge his privilege.

So I wrestled with this one: do I write about him [individual and privilege dudes et.al.] or not? I believe we’ve spent too much time talking about him with the New York Times thinking his piece (which I read) is of enough merit for a larger platform. As I result, I will link to nothing, and just talk about what I want to talk about because that’s how I roll. Come along children, there will be cookies.

The most glaring thing about this kid’s piece is his complete lack of understanding of privilege, which isn’t just him by the way. I’ve noticed an increasing number of posts showing up in my Facebook feed about how hard white dudes have it because “they aren’t allowed to have an opinion” or do any activists activities. I don’t know who is preventing these guys from having opinions or doing things, but I want this power. For reals, I promise to use it on Paul Ryan. Oh, wait, I bet these guys were being hyperbolic. So clever. *sarcasm*

First, privilege is when you are afforded power, status, means, etc. just for being born into the “right” group. It has nothing to do with you, which is part of the problem. The bigger part of the problem is that privilege comes at the expense and oppression of others. This isn’t a secret either because people with privilege tend to see movements like feminism for example as a threat because they see everything in terms of zero-sum-games—meaning if they give up their privilege then they will be relegated to the position held by those they have oppressed. And yes, son, to be privileged is to oppress others because you can oppress people through inaction and compliance with oppressive structures. *rubs hands together over keyboard like a bond villain* I could go on and on about how equity and equality are not zero-sum-games, instead, we can al exist on an equitable playing field. I don’t believe anything short of a revolution will result in equality. I’m also not sure a revolution would be able to undo the damage done by racism, classism, and sexism, but I digress.

But, yeah, it sucks that someone might have preconceived ideas and notions about you just because you happen to belong to a group…which those of us who aren’t white, hetero, Christian, cis men know, all too well and would be happy to explain it to you. And, no it isn’t oppression. You know why? Because they still have all the power and disproportional control over society. But, let me put this in terms of myself as to not just rip on the gents, allow me to show you how to acknowledge your privilege:

 I am white. I benefit from systemic racism. I don’t think I am racist [I’ll defer to the judgment of others on that], but I know by being white within this oppressive structure my actions and thoughts are influenced by racism and can unintentionally oppress others. I try to work to counter racism, and I try to be intersectional in my analysis of everything, but often I fall into class-based discussions because it is what I know.

Holy hell guys, the world isn’t on fire! See, part of recognizing your privilege isn’t just saying the right thing; it about knowing yourself even the ugly parts. It is about understanding what and why you are the way you are. Sometimes, I have to unpack thoughts I have to think them through, where did this come from and why? And to throw back to a conversation I had with my sister M years ago, I will always be more sexist than racist. I have a distrust of men, even men I know, which is learned and conditioned. Women’s behavior is policed in respect to men so yeah, I’ll cross the hypothetical street every time to avoid a dude at night regardless of race. Congratulations patriarchy.

At the end of the day, I give zero fucks if you check your privilege, know why? Because unless you’re going to follow up checking your privilege with assisting in the dismantling of the patriarchy (which as I reminder I believe enables and is intrinsically liked with racism, classism, etc.) then I have no use for you. And, superficial feminist men, if you aren’t working to dismantle the patriarchy, racism, and classism, then I have no use for you either. Come to think about it, anyone, anyone no actively working to dismantle the systemic oppression within our society, I have no use for you.

Of course, I think the people really opposed to recognizing their privilege don’t want to admit the advantages they have had that others might not have. That is what I hear every time a dude complains to me that it is unfair people say he’s privileged when he didn’t do anything…that is the point. You didn’t do anything, but you get these advantages the rest of us don’t.

Because I know the menz want a cookie.