Sexual frustration isn’t an excuse for violence

Elliot Rodger killed 6 people and injured 13 others over the weekend because he hated women, and he subscribed to the entitlement afforded to him because of his race, gender, and class. That is all.

Naturally, I’m losing my shit over people defending Rodger’s actions and those calling him mentally ill. It is safe to assume anyone who decides to solve any problem with violence let alone mass violence they aren’t using the same operating program the rest of us are using. That said a lot of people with mental illness are not violent and do not harm anyone.

Obviously, I read Kimmel’s Angry White Men, last week, which is particularly poignant given Rodger’s mass shooting. Kimmel’s book includes a chapter on mass acts of violence committed by angry white young men who feel slighted because their entitlement has been challenged. That is exactly what happened here.

So what exactly was the slight that Rodger felt? Oh, his right to women’s bodies was violated. He is owed sex and love from women because…he’s a white dude? I don’t know I’ve never understood this line of logic. This feeling that you are owed anything but a shove down. I guess my class is showing.

Rodger wrote a “manifesto” about his plight. It is full of hate particularly directed at women and people of color. He also has tied to Mens’ Rights Activists (MRAs) and Pick Up Artists (PUA), which is completely evident in the language he uses in the manifesto. He also released videos including Elliot Rodger’s Retribution. Some of the lowlights:

“For the last eight years of my life, ever since I’ve hit puberty, I’ve been forced to endure an existence of loneliness, rejection, and unfulfilled desires. All because girls have never been attracted to me. Girls gave their affection and sex and love to other men, but never to me.”

The entire thing is all about his entitlement.  Women, are just objects to have as status symbols.

“You girls have never been attracted to me. I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me. But I will punish you all for it. It’s an injustice, a crime, because I don’t know what you don’t see in me. I’m the perfect guy. Yet you throw yourselves at all these obnoxious men. Instead of men. The supreme gentleman. I will punish all of you for it [laughter].”

Well, I’m glad he states he’s a gentleman because judging from his actions and associates (MRAs) I would never have put it together.

“On the day of retribution, I am going to enter the hottest sorority house of UCSB [University of California, Santa Barbara], and I will slaughter every single spoiled, stuck-up, blonde slut I see inside of there. All of those girls that I’ve desired so much. They would have all rejected me and looked down upon me as an inferior man if I ever made a sexual advance towards them. While they throw themselves at these obnoxious brutes. I’ll take great pleasure in slaughtering all of you. You will finally see that I’m the superior one. The true Alpha Male.”

The points from the passage above that are particularly striking because of his presumed victimization. For example, “if I ever” strongly implies the rejection is in his head. Thus, the women are just a stand in for his assumed rejection. Additionally, we get to see once again his view that women are just objects to possess.

We know that MRAs and PUAs encourage violence against women through their rhetoric. They are hate groups. They hate women. There are a lot of articles about Rodger now. It has also come out that in addition to hatred for women, Rodger hates interracial couples and is racist.

Of course, more misogynists have come out saying that what Rodger did was wrong, but hey what do you expect if women aren’t perpetually sexual available for any white man who demands it. The actual quote is “more people will die unless you give men sexual options.”

Finally, I want to end with a truly depressing situation: there was another mass shooting targeting women over the weekend. But there was also a hashtag created #YesAllWomen. These are two articles with some of the best. The hashtage is an interesting read and very depressing, but there is some power in saying it; it being the violence and misogyny focused on women everyday, yes all women everyday.

Ohio’s back in the news again, and it still isn’t good.

I hear about a woman being raped at Ohio University (OU), but with the victim blaming and shaming, I was a bit distracted by Maryville. However, OU has my attention now with an MRA activist coming to blame the victim, who he wronging identified, and that the survivor found out on Instagram. Interestingly, last night a friend told me that she thinks Ohio is a breeding ground for murders.

Elizabeth Plank wrote about it for Policy Mic, which is where we’re going to start. The survivor, unidentified, was unaware of her sexual assault until she saw evidence on Instagram. So this is a thing, finding out you’ve been sexually violated on the Internet. Evidence of non-consensual oral sex acts were captured and posted to websites.  Below is a screenshot of a tweet published about the assault, it was captured by Ryan Broderick at Buzzfeed.

I’m not sure what possessed people to photograph a sexual assault, let alone post it online. This specific photo was sent to Hunter Moore, the man who created one of the biggest Revenge Porn websites, trying to get him to share it. Many of the accounts associated with sharing the photos and the video have been deleted because people will share images of sexual violation, but try to hold them accountable? That’s just unfair. *sarcasm*

The survivor was assaulted on Saturday night, and on Sunday she went to the police and filed a rape complaint. Reports claim the police have the photos and video of the assault, which are being used in the investigation. It is unclear whether the people involved in the assault are part of OU’s student body, but the assault took place during homecoming celebrations. Andrew Powers, the University Police Chief, said, “What is more disturbing are the social implications of what it means for someone to have been standing there watching this thing [rape] happen, videotaping it with their phone instead of getting involved and trying to help the victim.”

I’m not sure I’d use the word “more” creating a hierarchy, but yes, this is fucked. However, I don’t know how this is shocking. People aren’t going to interfere in sexual assaults because our society condones them. To me there is no difference between inaction and sharing a fucking photo of a people being violated with the “hahahaha” written under it. You do nothing or passively share these images then you are part of the problem.

This story is bad enough, but then the MRAs get to the scene and force a young woman off the Internet for the sake of the unnamed man accused of sexual assault, except they misidentified the survivor. Yes, the woman named as the survivor isn’t the woman assaulted. Take a minute. Tyler Kingkade wrote about it for Huffington Post, and it was also Buzzfeed.

A Ohio University student is being harassed by random people on the Internet because someone on thinks she looks like the survivor. I’m not going to write the woman’s name because, I think she might hope one day to be googled and not have the words rape, photo, and her name come up. The survivor is being accused of filing a false rape report. The woman being accused of being the survivor was too afraid to leave her sorority house after the threats and comments she has been receiving.

The young woman has denied being the sexual assault survivor as has Jenny Hall-Jones, the OU Dean of Students. But then the MRAs turned on Hall-Jones, calling her a man-hating feminist. Obviously, circulating photos of sexual assault survivors is a bad idea. The men behind the accusations of false rape allegations and branding a woman not involved in the alleged rape as a survivor and making her a target for MRAs’ crazy hate is Peter Nolan and his anonymous John Rambo. They run Crimes Against Fathers, which is a MRA activist site that aim to shame and name women who come forward with rape allegations. They assume all rape survivors are lying. These guys are the scrum of Earth. So yeah, while I’ve been watching a lot of The Walking Dead, but I think a zombie apocalypse might be what the world needs to end the sharing of images of sexual violation and exploitation. Even if the show has some serious misogyny tied into it.

Steubinville is a MRA

I’m kidding, kind of. It appears that Steubenville is having some kind of persecution complex. Jezebel’s Katie J.M. Baker wrote about it earlier this week. Essentially, the residents of Steubenville feel like the media painted a picture of the town that was bias and untrue. They felt unjustly represented as football fanatics that backed the team and allow sexual violence to flourish.

I’m not going to go over all the details of Steubenville again. Two boys were found guilty, and the media decided they were the real victims because their lives were ruined with nothing said about the actually rape victim. Rumors swirled about the case and some were greatly exaggerated, but Ohio Attorney General, Mike Dewine was investigating adults involved with the case include the local football coaches.

I agree with Baker that the local detectives and the online community didn’t dig up anything the police couldn’t have. However, the police were kind of sitting on this case, and it wasn’t until national attention was focused that things started to move.

Baker spent time in Steubenville, and before she arrived she was critical of the community. Particularly the victim complex they have developed with a lack of acknowledgement of the role their community played by promoting to rape culture. She went on to interview students, parents, and faculty including some who couldn’t talk on the record because of the pending Grand Jury investigation. Baker notes that the livelihoods of business owners were threatened because of the poor publicity. Other communities have turned on those from Steubenville manifesting in children who were taunted as rapists during a Little League game. Baker points out the if you Google the victim’s name you’ll get the picture of her being drug from party to party along with the untrue accusation she was drugged and lured to the party. But this becomes a discussion about collateral damage.

During her interviews Baker was told that football players (and other athletes) don’t have to attend class. It was corroborated by staff who said players give enough to the school, but maybe not in the classroom. I have ask, if that is the case, what are these kids getting from their school? Steubenville isn’t exactly lush with employment opportunities, but I image having a substandard high school education isn’t going to help lift the community out of poverty, but I digress. A guidance counselor, John Lee Gillison claimed that Big Red (football team) are recognized because they are held to a higher standard, “Athletes, male and female, put a lot more time into school; maybe not academically, but they do a lot. Yeah, they’re privileged. But they’ve earned it.”

I hated this philosophy while I was in school. It isn't just athletes. I can't tell you how much my sister and I were able to get away with because we were in the top five percent of our class.

Baker asserts that the towns people who tried to set the record straight about their perceived willingness to overlook the rape were dubbed rape apologists, then they were met with death threats. Nicole Lamantia, 29 year old Steubenville resident said, “We supported and still support Jane Doe 100%. But the focus shifted when we watched helplessly as the media ripped innocent people apart we’d known since we were babies.” Lamanita’s husband is a Big Red coach, and as a result Lamantia’s children were threatened, “That’s when this became less about Jane Doe and more about an entire town being destroyed for what two people did. That’s when Jane Doe’s wellbeing took a backseat.”

Ok, so once the threats were directed at her children the priorities changed. I get that, but what about a culture that provides special treatment for boys who commit sexual assault? Or tells children they are exempt from the rules that govern society because they are special? After all as the counselor says, they've earned it. What about the outing of Jane Doe? The sharing of her contact information? The death threats she received, which got so bad two people were arrested. Do I think Lamanita was wronged? Yes, of course, but her lack of acknowledgement of how Steubenville enabled this is reprehensible. That is the problem by the way. The idea you've known someone forever so they can't possibly be guilty of anything is idiocy because every rapist and murderer was born, and someone somewhere loved them once.

It should be noted that a KYAnonymous declared war on Steubenville because of the case. He released videos that showed how some Steubenville players and former players were reacting to the case, which reflected rape culture and a complete disrespect for women. All of the factual information implied (and still implies) that more people than the two boys had knowledge of the crime and possibly helped cover it up. Also, research suggests most people would find it difficult to intervene in a sexual assault.

Even with all the misinformation that came out of the case, and the clear evidence that Steubenville has a rape culture problem (and I’d argue a women problem), and they don’t want to  talk about those issues, instead they want to focus on how they were wronged. Now, I didn’t interview any of them. I have read any transcripts. I’m sure I’d have more empathy if I did, but this just rubs me the wrong way. This is false victimhood, and it is an attempt to redirect the conversation away from real victims. Also, this is a manifestation of privilege because only someone who feels like they deserve whatever has been perceived to be taken from them would express themselves in this way.

So the media treated the town badly, and think of the boys whose futures are now hanging in the balance. These are two topics the residents of Steubenville wanted to discuss. Yes, the media may have been unfair in some cases, but major media outlets lamented about the boys’ futures, not Jane Doe’s. One of the boys (Cody Saltsman) who was there the night of the party, but not tried for rape or exploitation of the minor. I’m not indicating he should have been, just that he wasn’t and wasn’t found guilty. He is legally innocent. However, he did take to Twitter to write some crass things, which may also be why universities are reluctant to give him a change. Saltzman’s family sued one of the local detectives who drove the story into the national spotlight. The case was dismissed with prejudice.

However, the locals believe Saltzman learned his less and is the “kindest boy you’ll ever meet.” I’m not sure he has. And I’m not sure he has because a UN study came out that links entitlement and perceptions of women to rape, so rape culture to rape. And telling the boy he’s a victim in all this is probably reinforcing those beliefs not countering them. According to counselor Gillison, the high school administration spent a good portion of the past year talking about sexual assault and bystander intervention, but they are more concerned with helping the community move on. The sentiment is that a handful of kids acted poorly, but the majority of students have been treated unfairly. 

Please, tell me about being treated unfairly? Would that include the assumption of false representation because bitches be lyin'? Are these poor students experiencing the school to prison pipeline? Perhaps violence that the city officials are doing nothing about is preventing them from attending school or perhaps the city is closing schools of people of color there? Is that the unfairness everyone is taking about? I bet kids in Chicago feel like they are being misrepresented too, but no one cares.

However, what about Jane Doe? Brendon Sadler, a 22 year old friend of the victim’s family said the victim deserves privacy, and the community needs to let it go. “’She’s ‘overwhelmed,’’ said Sadler, ‘because people won’t let it go. She’s appreciative, but she wants her life to go back to normal.’”

So why did I make the assertion that the Steubenville residents are “white men”? Because this is some MRA bullshit. There are a faction of them that are Steubenville truthers. They spend all their time tweeting about the case and insulting anyone they feel is unfairly targeting Steubenville. Not on the victim's side though because see above bitches be lyin'. The argument can be made that Steubenville changed the discussion about sexual assault because it has changed a lot of opinions about consent, but one has to wonder if any minds were changed in this town.

However, adults in Steubenville are tired of thinking about the victim because obviously they are the victims. See above with the MRA thing. One parents said, “Yes, those two boys crossed the line. But why did KYAnonymous have to torture out town? Why were people sending death threats on Christmas Eve, ruining Christmas for everyone?”

I’m sorry, Christmas sucked. But I’m struck by the language, “crossed the line.” Where exactly did they cross the line? When they moved the girl from party to party? When they raped her? When they photographed her? What line are we talking about so we can make sure these poor persecuted boys don’t cross any other lines. OMG maybe they used chemical weapons, because that is a fictional line that means nothing people trot out when they want to do whatever they want.

Obviously, I’m against death threats. I don’t think the entire town should be punished, but there are ramifications to actions and in action. At the end of the day that is what this is about. The town maybe unfairly targeted, but a child was sexually abused and people looked the other way, they made up excuses, they downplayed the gravity of the situation, they threatened the victim, and they delayed the proceedings. Sorry, if that wasn’t you, but to use an old saying “If you’re not part of the solution then you’re part of the problem.”

TEACH YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS NOT TO RAPE AND VICTIM BLAME. STOP CRYING ABOUT HOW YOU”RE BEING PERSECUTED. Someone want to write about the parallels between this and victim blaming? I guess you shouldn’t have appeared like you had unwavering support for two rapists, maybe then the media wouldn’t have blamed you. After all, didn’t people take the stand, and call Jane Doe a drunk slut who put herself in this situation? Yeah, sucks doesn't?

Baker’s post concludes like this:

“Big Red creamed Detroit Central Collegiate 48-6. After the first quarter, the coach took some of the better players out so the younger kids could have a go. Everyone who stuck out the less than gripping game clapped heartily for Detroit when the team left the field.

“’The mother of one of the football player later asked me, ‘If were such terrible, football-obsessed people, why would we have clapped?’”

The sentiment here is horrifying, and this sentiment, the way this is a demonstration of how they are good people is baffling. Do I think everyone is Steubenville are bad people no, but this woman’s ability to completely disassociate and thing clapping after a football game demonstrates empathy is ridiculous.

Don’t be a white guy in the US?

Just kidding, as previously mentioned I make my own fun. But seriously, if you are a white guy, stop it. I thought this would be a nice tongue and cheek change because of the posts earlier in the week.

Let me begin by saying there is something to oppression even when others don’t see it. Individuals can feel slighted, but arguably that isn't really oppression because by definition the person doing the oppressing has to have more power and privilege in society. This comes up when people try to employ the hierarchy of oppression. My view is that if you feel oppressed we should talk that out and see where it is coming from before we rally the troops. For example, white gay men are oppressed even if they are white. Their oppression is valid. However, when you are the group in power i.e. white, upper-middle class, hetero menfolk you might want to really think on crying oppression because in our society we value whiteness and maleness over other people.

First, equality isn’t a zero sum game. The expansion of rights to marginalized groups doesn’t mean those rights are being taken from another group. Letting women and people of color vote didn’t result in white men losing their right to vote. Secondly, privilege is fluid you can and do leverage it in different situations. Whiteness, just being white generally leaves you in the power group, all white people benefit from institutional racism (call it out and over throw it). A reminder, privilege isn’t necessarily your fault either. It just happens, but how you respond and use that privilege, does matter. Remember that excellent piece on male privilege as the easiest difficulty setting? It is like that. It is just easier for those on the receiving end of privilege, and most of the time we never even think about it because we aren't being challenged. So, why am I lecturing on privilege again? Because Suzanne Venker has another piece for Fox on how oppressed men are; it is entitled “Men—the new second class citizens.” End scene. With a title like that do I even have to go on?  Naturally, she has very little idea of what she is talking about. Venker is a MRA there is nothing more to it.

Venker begins by talking about her credentials, which are writing a book on how oppressed men are after she wrote an article on the same subject. All of this was well received by the conservative right. It is worth noting that she invokes hyperbole of war pitting men and women against one another. I also imagine she conflates gender and sex employing the gender binary. Venker says, “The truth is, men have become second-class citizens. The most obvious proof is male bashing in the media. It is rampant and irrefutable. From sit-coms and commercials that portray dad as an idiot to biased news reports about the state of American men, males are pounced on left and right.”

Take a minute. Those poor menfolk. Did a study just come out about how teenage girls are sexualized on every show they are portrayed on? But Venker’s right, the mens! Save the mens! Venker goes on to say that schools are geared toward women and girls as well. Boys are marginalized and taught like girls. The horror! If Venker wants to talk about the problems within education and gender, let's talk about the transgender issues all over the news right now or if we are completely ignoring a group of people, then the issues with teaching and gender are pretty vast on their own. After all women are conditioned to think we’re incompetent at math and hard science while men are conditioned to devalue traditionally feminine educational fields such as English, languages, and the fine arts. Women flourish in all women schools while men do best in co-ed classrooms, while at the same time if state funding is used for sex segregated classrooms women/girl students are usually shortchanged, but hey, that’s just what research shows. [It should be noted that there are a lot of problems with the data because it is hard to get.] Anecdotally, a friend of mine was studying education for her MA and then teacher’s license. A professor told her class that if a boy needs help in math give him hints or show him, but if a girl needs help just give her the answer. There was nothing else said on the subject…guess girls can figure it out backwards? Or maybe just aren’t deemed worth teaching math?

Venker continues to lament that many schools have done away with recess. This is true, and recess benefits boys and girls (though she argues just boys), but many schools do away with recess because having kids outside in the middle of the day in some violent low income neighborhoods is dangerous and leaves the schools liable, but I’m guessing these aren’t the boys Venker is worried about. The loss of extra-curricular programs hurt all children. Additionally, it is hypnotized that the loss of music and art programs have long lasting consequences on children’s development. I suppose arts and music are for sissies though.

Next Venker takes on Title IX, which of course has advanced women at the expense of men. I call shenanigans! Yes, Title IX has helped women by banning sex discrimination in all educational programs, and it is responsible for these female athletes. But Title IX also handles sexual assaults, which is why it is so important given the lack of concern institutions for higher education have for sexual assaults.

Venker claims that schools will do away with sport programs if there isn’t a female sport she cites hockey and wrestling. But riddle me this, if there were true, then why do universities have all male football teams? Venker says this is a demand for equal outcomes not equal opportunities. Um, no. She continues on to claim Title IX is abused when it is invoked as it applied to sexual assault and harassment cases. She says,

 “Genuine harassment and violence should be punishable offenses, obviously. But the college campus is a breeding ground for sexual activity, which makes determining wrongdoing (and using Title IX to prove it) extremely difficult. Sexual misconduct does not necessarily constitute harassment--and women have as much of a role to play as men do. Here again men are in an impossible situation, for there’s an unspoken commandment when it comes to sex in America: thou shalt never blame the women. If you’re a man who’s sexually involved with a women and something goes wrong, it’s your fault.”

Emphasis her’s. Take a minute. Then see Penn State, Notre Dame, Duke, and the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, just to name a few. Just keep it perspective gents. Also, as for victim blaming it is alive and well and even law is some states, remember Savannah Dietrich, Audrie Potts, and Rehtaeh Parsons? The last two died after being blamed for their sexual assaults, which were spread around the Internet, and Dietrich was arrested for outing her rapists. Just think about that. Victim blaming. Here is one solution, don’t rape. Don’t rape. Teach men not to rape. Ask for enthusiastic consent then this isn’t a fucking problem.

Venker cites Judith E. Grossman on boys being unjustly targeted in sexual assault. I read her piece when it came out; it argues her son’s innocence, but gives no real information about what happens. Except her son couldn’t possibly be the victimizer, and of course employs the same premise we’ve heard a thousand times, you can’t rape your own girlfriend. I find this argument so offensive; I actually had to take a break when rereading this article. I. JUST. CAN'T.

After this, Venker devolves into the arguments about how when men get married and become fathers things become really bad for them. Venker is really just regurgitating Laurie Shrage’s argument, which I deconstructed here.  Beginning with VAWA, which she says can be used for any little old thing, which obviously isn’t true since we had to claw and fight to get it reauthorized. But here are some examples of were VAWA should have been applied if Venker’s assertion were true. Also, VAWA received budget cuts resulting in even fewer people receiving help, also gay couples, children, and some men qualify for VAWA. Venker notes, “’If a woman gets angry for any reason, she can simply accuse a man and men are just assumed guilty in our society,’ notes notes Dr. Helen Smith, author of the new book, “Men on Strike.” This is particularly heinous since, as Smith adds, violence in domestic relations ‘is almost 50% from men and 50% from women.’” Liar, liar. Want to say that again? According to the Department of Justice (2005, dated I know) 73% of domestic violence victims were female (their term), females were 84% of spouse abuse victims and 86% of partner (girlfriend/boyfriend) victims. This 73% is down from the 85% in 2003, where men were 15% of victims. I suppose the numbers could be leveling with the inclusion of other forms of violence i.e. elder abuse, etc. But I call shenanigans on equal.

Venker then asserts there is no war on women in the US, I guess she hasn’t been watching TX, OH, WI, or NC? But who cares about ladies and their lady parts and their lady business, we’re talking about the menfolk! This is how Venker concludes, “Yet it is men who suffer in our society. From boyhood through adulthood, the White American Male must fight his way through a litany of taunts, assumptions and grievances about his very existence. His oppression is unlike anything American women have faced. Unlike women, however, men don’t organize and form groups when they’ve been persecuted. They just bow out of the game. America needs to wake up. We have swung the pendulum too far in the other direction—from a man’s world to a women’s world. That’s not equality. That’s revenge.”

At this point, I’d like to point out she is taking about white people up till this point she hadn't actually stated that. She makes it pretty clear at the end: her default is whiteness. She is right, white women, people of color we have no idea what it is like to be a white man. However, there are groups of men out there trolling women and people of color for the cause of men's rights; they are MRA, rape apologists, etc. There are plenty. Venker like the rest of the MRA’s have arguments that hold no water.