Rape Myths and those reports on Facebook

THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.)

Through a rapist’s eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

If u have compassion reblog this post.
‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW
ATLEAST PEOPLES WILL KNOW WATS GOIN IN THIS WORLD.
So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.
I hope you all will Reblog. Lets See how many of you really care for this.

THIS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.
source : unknown

This was posted by a Facebook friend last night. You know the day it was released that Bill Cosby used drugs to coerce women into sex. I don’t blame this person for posting this; we’re not super close…never were really, but when I first saw this I thought, oh good let’s rehash the same old rape myths of the stranger looking for victims.

Once you ignore the typos, and do try, you’ll see it is all about the behavior modification of women, which will do little to no good since most women will be sexually assaulted by someone they know. But telling women this crap enables real rapists. I think I’ve read the study that is mentioned at the beginning of the post. I say that because it is really hard to do research on prisoners (thanks California!), and we were required to read a study on convicted rapists in prison. A few things, 1) convicted rapists are a small percentage of the population of rapists, some estimate as low as 2 or 3 percent and 2) most rapes are committed by a small percentage of the population, on college campuses it is estimated that 95% of rapes are committed by less than 5% of the population (this is usually not the population that serves time).

Your average rapist isn’t going to pick you because of your hair or you’re walking alone at night. Most rapists are going to pick a woman because they know her, and they know most women were conditioned not to make waves or something difficult for anyone, and most importantly they think they can get away with it. We really need to stop reinforcing these myths and actually address rape as a cultural marker that it is.

Everything in this is harmless and exactly what women are taught growing up, but this isn’t going to protect the estimated 1 in 5 women who are raped on a college campus (I’ve also seen 1 in 3 on college campuses, but 1 in 5 is the generally accepted national figure). This is all about scaring and modifying women’s behavior instead I don’t know the rapists’ behavior. It seems silly that we’re still looking at rape this way. For example, rape stats from the FBI are calculated the same way other crimes are, which means they assume people falsely report rape the way they falsely report other crimes, but they also assume all rapes are reported. Alternatively, rape isn’t treated like other crimes, after all people aren’t blamed for being stolen from (most of the time, I’m sure if you’re a person of color or a woman the police will tell you about walking in that neighborhood, but no one is blaming Madoff’s victims for being easy targets). Interestingly, there is a book about a college rape between friends, and how that works. Specifically, what happens when you want to be as far away from that person, but they don’t think they did anything wrong. It is called Through my eyes: A letter to my Rapist. I wasn’t a huge fan, but it is an interesting read. I’m actually reading All the Rage right now, and it deals with sexual assault, class, and power structures, which is pretty good. Or as my friends like to say, Kari’s super happy fun time reading.

End rant. I’m off to Kansas City because reasons. My social anxiety is flaring up in the airport surrounded by people just milling around. I will never understand this. I mean I get to the airport super early because I’m paranoid as fuck, but people just stand in the way. JUST STAND. Whatever people with more child than they can possible watch, you do you. 

I quit with dudes.

I’m not even kidding. I can’t with dudes. Seriously. This week has been rough for a number of reasons, but dudes; mostly it is you. Yes, all men. I started my week reading about how one in three college men would rape if they could get away with it, which by the way makes my stats, of most rapes are committed by a small number of men, garbage. Because wanting to rape and being a rapist aren’t that far from each other on the “I want to burn off my skin before I let you touch me, ever” scale. What? Like you don’t use that metric?

Look, I’ve come to terms with a lot. I have terrible taste in men from the start so I’m well informed about what’s going to happen here, but seriously? Then we moved into the a high profile rape case—where the defense is claiming a drunk rapist can’t be held accountable for his actions, WTF, right only women . A second where the father is pretty much writing a swan song about his son being railroaded by the FEMINISTS, which I guess means we have super villain powers, ok cool. Not like the victim had to transfer and move. Oh, and did I mention there is some kind of rape money which all women get for being raped? Which is totes true guys, why else would we be expected to pay for our own rape kits? All I want to do is watch Selma, basketball highlights, and drink until none of this exists anymore.

The new study out of the University of North Dakota, says about one in three men would rape if no one would find out and they wouldn’t face any consequences. Take a minute and shower. I read about this over on ThinkProgress in a piece by Tara Culp-Ressler. Of course, when the researchers used the word rape, the numbers dropped because you’d rape someone as long as we call it something else, I guess like non-consensual sex, which is in fact rape. Obviously, forcing someone to have sex isn’t the same as the crime of rape because REASONS. I’ll make a leap here, and assume it is because rape is something bad men do, who happens to look like an population underrepresented in higher education.

The survey was small with 73 men in college as participants, and 31.7 percent said they would act on “intentions to force a woman to sexual intercourse” if they were sure they’d  get away with it. Happily only 13.6 percent said they would act on “intentions to rape a woman” with the same confidence of getting away with it. I feel like these are the people who drop buzz words in interviews, but have no idea what any of them mean. Rape has a connotation, and that is what this is about. We have successfully trained a group of men to realize the word rape is bad, but not that committing rape is bad. And don’t even get me started on those who would straight up rape. Researchers want to do this study again on a larger scale in hopes of informing the conversation around sexual assault on college campuses.

The study also found men who were open to raping a woman were more likely to display hostile attitudes toward women (shocked, shocked I say), but men who would force a woman to have sex, but reject the term rape were less openly hostile to women. However, these men were still linked to what researchers called “callous sexual attitudes,” which are a set of cultural stereotypes about women as objects and men as aggressors that contributes to hyper-masculinity. To quote the researchers, “In this sense, using force to obtain intercourse does not become an act of rape, but rather an expression of hyper-masculinity, which may be thought of as a desirable disposition in certain subcultures.”

Culp-Ressler’s article concludes with a list of other studies that have similar findings where men feel entitled to women’s bodies, entitled to coerce sex, and women to expect violence.

Legal vs. Moral Judgments

Lean in guys, I know it would suck to be falsely accused of rape, but that is not on the same level as surviving rape. #I DONTCAREWHATYOURMOMTOLDYOU. I know we’re all special snowflakes, though as the media, law, government, #ALLTHETHINGS would have you believe, white, hetero, cis men are the most special snowflakes.

I read the Rolling Stone article that is all over the place, and it was horrific, triggering, and awful. Might “Jackie” be embellishing or misleading in parts of her story? Sure. Maybe she even lied, though statistically speaking that is hella rare, and she took leave from university at the time of the alleged rape, her health suffered, grades slipped, withdrew from friends and family until she was finally forced because of suicidal ideation to ask for help, but yeah, bitches lie. Of course, the Rolling Stone article and retraction, where they sacrificed a source and is so offensive to sexual assault survivors and journalism, came out when the Newsroom aired an episode where a rape victim was interrogated by a random man (Don) because her rapists weren’t convicted, which obviously means she is making it all up. We’re not going to get into the politics of throwing a woman who is disagreeing with you in the writer’s room over the rape storyline because why would you need a woman’s opinion?

The character, Don, claims that he can’t air this story because he can’t make a moral judgment. Now, I’ve seen a few episodes of the show, and Don makes moral judgments all the time. But he can’t believe a woman about her lived experience because those poor boys (sounds like CNN and those poor rapists whose lives are ruined, one of which is already out of jail). I don’t have empathy for the falsely accused. I don’t wish them ill, but that inconvenience of a false accusation lasted how long exactly? A semester? Did they even investigate? Was your name made public and then you were shunned by friends and family? Are you triggered when you sleep with someone else? Because rape survivors have long term consequences like being triggered years later. Having another person’s actions define you. Having to explain to a new partner why you’re freaking out over what they perceive to be nothing and the shame associated with that. PTSD, depression, therapy bills, difficulty holding employment, trust issues, physical injuries, nightmares, and the band plays on. So play your tiny violin bros.

I always believe the victims/alleged victims. I believe them because I know the stats, and I know rape culture. I know that it isn’t that bad for accused rapists, and I know this because national media talks about the poor boys that were found guilty of raping an unconscious girl. Because she was asking for it. Because apparently all woman are asking for it if you survive. And I believe victims because most of the survivors I know never reported. That is a moral judgment. Have I been wrong? Yeah, probably. But at the end of the day, I’m not sorry I believe the victims, no matter how unbelievable she might be, because anyone can be raped, and while everyone isn’t a rapist, I’ve knew people I didn’t think could be rapists that were.

Do I feel that all accused men should be jailed and lose their jobs? No. I think you have to go through the legal system if you want that kind of justice…we can discuss whether that is real justice, what justice means, and justice for whom. That is a legal judgment. See there aren’t legal consequences unless you go through the legal system. Now in the episode, the girl in question named her rapists, after she didn’t receive justice from the school or the police, and she made her own website which allows people to name their rapists, sometimes anonymously. Anyone else, having flashbacks to the women jailed for naming her rapist after a judge ordered her not to?

Moral judgments aren’t equivalent to legal judgments. You are free to make the former about things based on how you perceive them. Legal judgments, not so much. But as we know, from recent instances of police brutality/murder, sometimes the justice system fails, and it fails people who aren’t considered the most special snowflakes more often. A lack of legal conviction doesn’t mean a person is innocent. It means a broken and biased system that disproportionately targets men of color said they were innocent.  

Discussing rape, Tips for men: The George Washington Edition

Really, anytime you think, “Hey, I’m going to say this thing about rape,” just take a minute and think “Does this make me sound a) like a rapist or b) like an asshole?” If yes to either, resist the urge to speak, and if not still reconsider but you can proceed with caution.

I received my Master’s degree in Women’s Studies with a concentration on Labor and Welfare from The George Washington University a few years ago because I’m a boss. Kidding aside, I enjoyed my time at GW, even with the short comings, and there were many. Some were rooted in my program like the students never knew what was going on because our department was everything you’d expect a Women’s Studies department to be, i.e. hot mess. And then other things like the resistance to call rape what it is were more structural.

Well I wonder where that institutional narrative on rape culture came from? Oh yeah, the former President of the George Washington University, Dr. Stephen Joel Trachtenberg. Erin Gloria Ryan had a piece up for Jezebel, but I initial read about this from my former-prof’s Facebook page. Apparently, on Wednesday, The Diane Rehm Show had guests discussing the role of Greek life in on campus, but the conversation turned quickly to their role in rape culture. Don’t fret, they had a champion in the form of Dr. Trachtenberg who had a solution to campus rape: just tell women to drink less. And done, pack it up.

Dr. Trachtenberg defends frats because they are role models and not at all responsible for sexual assaults:

Dr. Trachtenberg: My experience is that students that are in fraternities have higher grades on average than unaffiliated students. Uh, they get involved in philanthropic activities of one sort or another providing great numbers of hours of service and fundraising on behalf of good causes. They have the opportunity to get leadership training provided by the fraternities. They get other kinds of training as well. Combatting sexual misconduct, values-based—

Rehm: And you don’t see them participating in sexual misconduct?

Dr. Trachtenberg: No no! I think it turns out that there are good and bad in fraternities and out of fraternities. What we’re focusing here on is a general situation. I think what we’re doing is creating a false correlation. For example, we point out that the women don’t drink, don’t have sorority parities which have alcohol. They don’t have to. They go to the parties at the fraternities. So it’s not as if the women aren’t drinking. They are, in fact.

Without making the victims responsible for what happens, one of the groups that have to be training not to drink in excess are women. They need to be in a position to punch the guys in the nose if they misbehave. And so part of the problem is you have men who take advantage of women who drink too much and there are women who drink too much. And we need to educate our daughters and out children in that regard.

Excuse me, what the fuck? I don’t understand how women are the “group” that needs to be “trained.” Maybe train men not to rape? Just me? Dr. Trachtenberg continues to be a condescending and patronizing jerk, so consistency is good. Trachtenberg like so many before him places the responsibility for policing behavior on women instead of the perpetrators of crime. This is the logic here: I have to make sure I’m not drunk so I can make sure my friend doesn’t rape me because he can’t be held accountable for his actions and see me as a person.

Let’s revise this for Dr. Trachtenberg: Without making the victims responsible for what happens, we need to teach people about enthusiastic consent so everyone knows they are responsible for their own actions. We need to take rape accusations seriously so rapists know they won’t get away with it on campus or off, and thoroughly investigate charges because so many rapes are committed by so few people.

Rape detecting nail polish because telling women it is their responsibility to prevent rape is how we roll

First, rape is most often committed by someone you know. Second, the used of substances is low when controlling for alcohol. So maybe rape detecting nail polish like the already invented straws, cups, etc. is going to be less effective at preventing rape than TELLING MEN NOT TO RAPE?!? Someone write in the comments “not all men” I dare you. See as a white person I’m constantly telling other white people to stop doing racist things, so why isn’t the responsibility of men to tell other men who are or would be rapists not to rape, and god help the person who says you don’t know who is capable of rape. You know! I knew! We choose to ignore the signs. Especially because most rapes are committed by a small portion of the population. But these people are serial predators, which is one more reason nail polish might not help so much.

Look I’m not picking on the guys who came up with this. But insisting women change their behavior, outfits, or look to prevent rape give rapists a pass. Add to this, the assumption this nail polish will be for sale. Capitalism’s solution to rape: pay for this thing that protects you from a hypothetical small number of rapes. Rape solved.

I won’t be using this nail polish. I’ve been told my whole life protecting myself from rape is my own responsibility so pass. But I have to wonder if boys get the same. Real question gents, did your mom ever sit you down and tell you not to rape? Because my dad was gentle about it, but left us with the impression you have to be in charge and responsible for you and your own safety. The man did his best with three daughters who all share the same charming attributes.

Once again, we’re making women take responsibility for rape. I saw a picture on Twitter that said, “If you’re promoting changes to women’s behavior to ‘prevent’ rape, you’re really saying, ‘make sure he rapes the other girl’” attributed to @itsmotherswork. This becomes even more difficult to digest when you consider the profitability of this nail polish. Then the other girl becomes a woman with limited means, because you know they are already disproportionately affected by rape and violence. I do get the kneejerk reaction to this nail polish, the “yeah, we’re doing something about rape,” but we’re reacting to a problem that is small in comparison to the real epidemic of rape—committed by someone you trust. I read this on Thought Catalog, and I hate them too, but just read it. It outlines how rape can happen, and how difficult every aspect can be.