Rape culture is a pretty big problem

We knew this for a while, but Jesus. The allegation is a young woman (14 years old) was raped by a 17 year old senior and left on her porch in freezing temperatures to be found half conscious. The rape was filmed on an iPhone, because young people are incapable of learning. There was a 13 year old victim and a 15 year old perpetrator as well, but that case was sent to juvenile court. Then the town turned on the victim because the alleged perpetrators were football players much like we keep seeing time after time. It is also worth nothing, never read the comments on these stories. Never. Finally, the girl’s family was forced to move, and then their former home burned down. Of course, no one knows why. Also, the case was dropped. Notably The Kansas City Star has been detailing the victim blaming and harassment the victim and her family have endured while trying to stay impartial, which is way more than the police are doing. Read the article for detailed accounts of the alleged rapes if you can stomach it. So what the fuck is going on here?

I’m pretty sure everyone with Internet access has heard this story by now out of Maryville, Missouri. Daisy Coleman (her name was released by her family) has been speaking out against the way her case was being handled (or not handled) and asserts more women are coming forward. When asked, Daisy said she would testify if the case was reopened. However, this is contrary to what Sheriff Darren White claims, which is the case was dropped because the Colemans chose not to press charges. White is quoted by Jezebel’s Kate Dries as saying, “The only people’s stories that have been inconsistent throughout this whole thing are the Colemans, the victims in this thing.”

However, Melinda Coleman (the victim’s mother) says the problem is larger than what happened to her daughter:

“My concern was that some other girls came forward and told me that the same thing happened with this same group of boys. When I had talked to the Sherriff initially he told me that there had been girls who had come forward and that there had been maybe even 10 other girls that were also assaulted. So later on he said that they were all liars, I digitally recorded him saying that they were all liars and that they just wanted to crucify those poor innocent boys. So my concern is: what is [it] going to take for them to do something here? Is one of these girls gonna to have to die? Are they going to end up freezing in their front year before they do something?”

 Now, I’m not objective here. I almost always fall on the side of the victims, while trying not to make targets out of the alleged perpetrators. I even try to use the appropriate language. But maybe, maybe the Sherriff could do the bare minimum too, and not refer to the alleged rapists as “poor innocent boys?”

It is important to note that one of the boys, Matthew Barnett, has political ties through his grandfather, Rex Barnet, Missouri state Representative. Daisy says she wants nothing to do with Matthew Barnett, but Melinda wants the other girls to come forward without fear.

So remember when I said never read the comments…I did, and know what I found? Victim blaming. Because you know women who drink (especially underage women who drink) are agreeing to whatever anyone wants to do with them. I find the policing of women’s behavior in these situations fascinating and horrifying all at the same time. No one comments on the behavior of the men involved as if they have done nothing wrong, but shouldn’t they have their every move analyzed, too? Or has masculinity just become synonymous with immediate gratification and violence?

I don’t want to believe that, but once again women are held to an impossible standard and blamed for the actions of other people who would abuse them. The logical conclusion there would be that men are incapable of being held accountable for their actions because they lack some kind of reasoning and morality to do so. I can’t be the only person scandalized by this reasoning?  Many advocates of men being involved in rape prevention note the awful perceptions of men if they are considered to have no control over their sexual desires; it means they are all rapists, which obviously they are not because we know that most rapes are committed by a small proportion of the population. Rapists are however, repeat offenders and their behavior escalates often not starting at rape, but some lesser form of sexual abuse and harassment. So that friend you knew, but didn’t like in college because he was shitty with women probably harassed more women than you’re aware of.

I am a firm believer that to end rape, we have to take on rape culture, and to take one rape culture we have to deal with masculinity as defined by the patriarchy, and to do that we have to deal with the patriarchy and the sexism, racism, and classism, etc. wrapped up in it. And with that run-on sentence, I’m tired. We do have to address a culture that enables and encourages rapists and victim-blaming.