Victim blaming because it is the American way

I didn’t watch the Ray Rice abuse video. I don’t need to see that. I can imagine what it looks like. I’ve probably seen similar. I do know a few things though: I know it wasn’t Janay Palmer Rice’s fault; it probably wasn’t the first time; and Rice deserves to be fired.

I spent a good portion of this weekend trying to remember the differences between Ohio and New Jersey law when it comes to assault. Ohio will press charges for you, but usually the “victim” is required to testify and the case it thrown out if the victim refuses. I see this as very paternalistic: bad guys go to trial, but the victims are re-victimized by the system and their power is taken away again. That isn’t always the case as my sister brought up, a friend was hospitalized by her partner in a bar with a dozen witnesses so when our friend refused to press charges Ohio did anyway on her behalf, and they had a dozen witnesses to call when my friend refused. The flipside is that the perpetrators never are held accountable for their actions.

Back to things I know. Women are more likely to be killed by a partner than anything else. Once a friend asked me why women date at all his argument was sound. He pretty much said, buy a vibrator it is safer and comes with a warranty and a BPA warning on the label. Men, he argued, don’t come with the same guarantee or the warnings. I was trying to think of a good example, but came up with too many. And so much of this conversation is about by Janay would marry Rice after he beat her.

I have a friend who won’t tell us about anything bad in her relationships until they are over because she doesn’t want to fail again. Or maybe she doesn’t want to prove someone right? Honestly, I can’t tell you. I can tell you that she once asked me what it was about her that brought this violent side out in the men she dated. Yeah, because the problem was something she did. That is what I think of every time someone says, well she should have left him or she is making excuses for him or the sport reporters suggesting she provoked him. I hear my friend in her early twenties after the third abusive boyfriend asking me if it is something she is doing or not doing. Obviously, the answer is no. There was nothing my friend could have done or not done to make it ok to hit her. So a big f-you to anyone suggesting women are too stupid, greedy, ok with the abuse, superficial, etc. and refuse to leave these situations. It doesn’t matter why she stayed. It matters that we as a society let people know violence against women isn’t ok, and there are consequences so when a woman like Janay feels ready to leave she knows she can.

Praise baby Jesus, the NFL thinks they need harsher penalties for domestic violence

I don’t know about you, but I am always relieved about policy changes that happen after someone is knocked unconscious. I mean, when else would you do them? Before hand? Weak.

According to Jane McManus via ESPN and ABCNews, the NFL is pushing through large scale domestic violence policy changes that calls for a six-game suspension without pay for a first offense and a lifetime bad from the league for a second. About damn time. I’m going to call this our first victory, move on to professional sports taking racism and sexual violence serious next round. I’m kidding that’s never going to happen.

These new measures (being described as harsh by some media outlets) were sent from NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to all team owners and would apply to all NFL personnel. In addition to the six game suspension, the length could be increased depending on the incident occurring before the person joined the NFL, or if a weapon, specific acts of violence, or if the victim is pregnant. A second time offender might be able to petition for reinstatement after a year, but there isn’t any guarantee that will be granted.

Obviously, this has nothing to do with Ray Rice, just kidding. *jazz hands* Goodell has been criticized a lot over the ridiculous handling of Rice’s two-game suspension. I was recently talking with a friend about Rice and Josh Gordon. My friend posited that Gordon needs help that his issues are suggestive of an addiction, and he should be receiving help. That’s fine…I mean I don’t want to diagnosed anyone, but yeah, he probably does. He should be in treatment. That said so should Rice because violence against women (violence like this in general) is also indicative of a deep rooted problem. I mean who beats someone unconscious the first time they hit someone? Yeah, the severity of these sorts of things increase over time.

So good job NFL, way to stay on top of things. 

Using definitions instead of the actual word totally makes you not a rapist

From now on, I no longer watch Netflix, instead I perceive images making use of my eyes and process these images in my mind. Sounds way cooler. There is no end to the fun, like sex, I don’t have sex: I consent to (add descriptive words here depending on my mood and adventure level) sexual intercourse and/or relations. This will help no one with brevity but think of the Tweets.

Apparently, alleged rapist NFL player Darren Sharper (or non-consensual sex haver) would like to change the language around rape, like many idiots before him. Hillary Crosley wrote a post for Jezebel on Sharper’s lack of use of the word rape because the words you choose, that’s going to fix everything.

In New Orleans, Sharper was charged with drugging and raping two women. The police report asserts that Sharper told a witness he and a friend Erik Nunez had non-consensual sex with two women back in September. That would be admitting rape, which is by definition, non-consensual sex (I’m officially concerned about the academic rigor of The College of William & Mary). Naturally, the defense of Nunez has already grabbed a hold of this claiming “The word ‘rape’ did not occur.” Do you think murderers yell “MURDER” while killing someone? If not, then the word “murder” did not occur. Idiots. Presumably, the defense attorney went to law school, though evident by conduct, debatable.

USA Today reports, based on the police report, that the victims woke up with Sharper on top of them naked. A witness say both men (Sharper and Nunez) in their boxers in the room. The police report stated “Through further investigation by the (detectives) it was learned that Nunez and Sharper admitted to other known witnesses that he and Sharper had…sex with victims #1 and #2 without their knowledge or permission.”

Sounds like rape. Sharper is being held in an LA jail after he turned himself in when a warrant was issued for him in Louisiana. He’s charged with seven felony counts and is of course pleading not guilty. Sharper’s attorneys have requested bail and posted $1 million “under the conditions that he not go to nightclubs and not be alone with any women he didn’t know prior to Oct. 30, the date of the first alleged incident in Los Angeles.” Because remember Sharper is under investigation for seven additional sexual abuse cases in Nevada, Florida, and Arizona. Maybe the judge should determine he is a threat to public safety given he’s accused of that many sexual assaults.

If a team avoids drafting Michael Sam because he’s gay, can he sue for discrimination?

This is a question posed by Ian Gordon and Matt Connolly for Mother Jones. As everyone heard by now Missouri All-American defensive end Michael Sam came out on Sunday as gay. Almost immediately after Sam came out people started noting that some football teams might not want THE GAY on THE TEAM, team cohesion and all that.

So what do we know? Well, 27 of the 32 NFL teams are in jurisdictions that have some kind of state or local laws prohibiting discrimination against gay employees. We also know that in 2011, the league and the NFL Players Association added an anti-discrimination policy in their collective bargaining agreement. Additionally, the New York attorney general’s office reminded the NFL that questions about intimate partner relationships constitute as discrimination under state law (the NFL is based in Manhattan).

If a player thought that a team was breaking the league’s policy (or state/local laws), the union could file a grievance on behalf of the player. That could lead to arbitration and some kind of penalty for individuals or teams involved. Then if a player wanted he could pursue the case in the courts.

That said, what about drafting? If not being drafted a form of discrimination? Like any kind of job, skills and a variety of other things go into being picked or not. However, if someone who is consistently qualified keeps getting passed because of gender, sexuality, etc. then it is discrimination. But like every kind of discrimination, that is hella hard to prove. As far as anonymous discriminatory comments would have to be traced back to the source and could then be used to prove a gay player wasn’t picked up.

Sam is one of the best players around right now, and I can’t imagine some progressive team wouldn’t pick him up. Anyway, in Cleveland beggars can’t be choosers.

NFL Refs Lockout Ended on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.

I know everyone is a Cleveland sports fan so naturally we were all waiting up Wednesday night to see if the Browns and Ravens would have real refs last night.

According to the Associated Press, the news came after two days of negotiations and pressure from coaches, players, and fans. The announcement is a tentative agreement which ends the lockout which began in June.

Commissioner Roger Goodell announces the regular officials would be back for last night’s Browns and Raven’s game. Goodell participated in the negotiations on Tuesday and Wednesday. Players took to twitter to welcome the refs back, which is a sweet gesture.

The replacements worked for the first three games of the season. Culminating in robbing the Packers on Monday night, which as a fun fact is my post-season team because a. they are publicly owned, b. they came out in support of We are Wisconsin, and c. all Cleveland fans have post-season teams.

Scott Green, the referees’ union president said he was pleased they are going to be back on the field this week. So is everyone else. Only the NFL could bring Gov. Scott Walker over to the pro-union side, even if it is only temporarily.

The tentative eight-year deal is the longest the NFL has had for on-field officials, who are part-time employees of the league. The deal was reached with the aid of two federal mediators, but it still has to be ratified by 51 percent of the union’s 121 members, who will vote Friday and Saturday in Dallas. The deal depended on the negotiators ability to work out salary, pension, and retirement benefits. It calls for a salary increase from an average $149,000 a year in 2011 to $173,000 in 2013, and then rising to $205,000 by 2019. The proposal allows the current defined benefit pension plan to remain for current officials through 2016 season or until the official earns 20 years of service. Then the define benefits plan will be frozen. Retirement benefits will be provided for all new hires and for all officials beginning in 2017 through a defined contribution arrangement. The annual league contribution will be made on behalf of each official and will begin around $18,000 and increase to $23,000 in 2019.

Beginning in 2013, the NFL will be able to hire officials on a full-time basis to work year round including on the field. Also, the NFL will be able to retain officials for training and development, and can assign those officials to work games.