Ok, so we clearly have people in the media who can’t keep up. Rape is
the fault of the rapist. That is all. Victims aren’t asking for it.
Survivors didn’t put themselves in bad situations. Also, survivors don’t get
raped, it is an action taken by the rapist. Previously, I’ve mentioned my
loathing for the language that is employed in these discussions. And I can
drink like my guy friends and not have to worry that one of them is going to
think it is ok to be a rapist.
I’m all upset about an article published by Slate entitled, “College Women: Stop Getting
Drunk.” It was
penned by Emily Yoffe, and guys, she isn’t victim blaming, just bitches need to
stop drinking and take some responsibility for the actions of their rapists
(sarcasm burns a bit). We’re going to go through the whole article and see just
flawed her logic is, but also how common this sort of thinking is.
Yoffe begins by invoking a study that says 20 percent of
college women “will become victims” (are victimized? Maybe, they don’t sign up
for it) by most a classmate. Yep. Truth. The same study found that 80 percent
of these assaults involve alcohol. However, she didn’t mention that 1 in 3 of
the alleged perpetrators are intoxicated as well. So it isn’t always the
victims/survivors who are intoxicated, but moving on. Yoffe uses Antonia Abbey of Wayne State
University to back up her assertion that men drink to justify behavior and women’s drunkenness
is a source of guilt and shame. I don’t dispute any of this, but I think it is
only part of the picture. After all, lots of sober people experience shame
after sexual assaults because we’re taught to be ashamed of sex and the lack of
power survivors have in these situations, which she/he will be inevitably
blamed for. However, Yoffe uses this to
construct the narrative she wants to discuss is the myth of the sober predator:
essentially the stranger in the bushes.
My issue with this is that it is untrue. We know that most rapes are
committed by a small portion of the population, they however commit multiple
rapes overtime and develop as predators being able to get away with lesser
assaults and violations evolving into rape. These predators are going to push
the boundaries as long as they have access and are enabled. But also, most
women know their attackers. For real. Most sexual assaults are committed by
someone you know. My friend M and I talk about violence against women a lot, jobs
yo. The reality is women are more likely to be assaulted and killed by
people they know and partners (marital rape).
Yoffe has a pretty great contradiction working in her piece:
“Let’s be totally clear: Perpetrators are the ones responsible for committing their crimes, and they should be brought to justice. But we are failing to let women know that when they render themselves defenseless, terrible things can be done to them. Young women are getting a distorted message that their right to match men drink for drink is a feminist issue. The real feminist message should be that when you lose the ability to be responsible for yourself, you drastically increase the chances that you will attract the kinds of people who, shall we say, don’t have your best interest at heart. That’s not blaming the victim; that’s trying to prevent victims.”
End scene. Shenanigans on all the things! Yes, perpetrators are to
blame. But women are well aware of how we will be blamed for all the actions
other people take against us. It is why our behavior is policed so much, by
society, by the police (hi, Slutwalk), by the legal system, and by one another.
It is why women are taught to fear all men. Don’t believe me? Gents who read
this, think back to when you started driving…when you would walk to your car at
night were you told to do anything special to ensure your safety? I bet the
ladies were. In fact, I was told to always walk with my keys between my
knuckles after dark even if I was with other women. Women are well policed
by the culture of fear, a culture that defends and protects rapists, but most
importantly enables them. It is why discussions around rape always devolve
into what the survivor was wearing, was she/he flirting, did he/she drink, etc.
Responsibility for one’s self. Oh dear, the libertarian principles. Here
is the problem with that. In Yoffe’s world women and men have equity because
otherwise she wouldn’t assert women have the same freedoms as men. Women are
already in a position where they lack power, and a drink or twelve isn’t going
to change that. Women have to take responsibility for their actions; society
demands it because a woman’s word is never trusted from the beginning. Women
have to prove themselves beyond reproach. I have a personal story about this,
which I’ve shared before where my best friend took the word of a man he didn’t
know the last name of over mine. Patriarchy, it kind of sucks, for everyone. But more so, could people who don’t know what
feminism is stop talking? The feminism message would be teach people not to
rape.
Yoffe concludes this passage with the assertion that this isn’t victim blaming, it is preventing the creation of more victims. Bullshit. This reminds me of the argument against women voting, working outside the home, holding political office, oh just about everything. See the women folk need to be protected, and what better way than to limit the movement of women in society through infantalization. That way when something does happen, and it will because the problem of rapists raping hasn’t been addressed at all, the victim is to blame for deviating from the path that would keep her safe (obviously, in this “reality” men can’t be raped). This is victim blaming, actually, I think if you looked up victim blaming in the online urban dictionary (which is the only dictionary to use while playing Scrabble) you’d read this description.
Yoffe then talks about how hard it is to shame women for their behavior
because people think that victim blaming is a bad idea, so a host of people who
would normally tell women to “protect themselves” instead of I don’t know
telling people not to rape are criticized for their efforts. I’m breaking
out the tiny violin. Because people who want to blame victims totally need
our support, someone start a telethon, they can host it in Steubenville. Of
course, we go back to the “you’re going to be a victim if you drink ladies”
trope, but I have to ponder yet again, where is the warning to our men
counterparts? It could read something like this: “You don’t want to be a
rapist, so don’t rape regardless of how intoxicate you or your partner is.”
Christopher Krebs, an author of the “Campus Sexual Assault Study” said, “I’m not saying a
woman is responsible for being sexually victimized. But when your judgment is
compromised, your risk is elevated of having sexual violence perpetrated
against you.”
This is like starting a joke with, “I’m not racist, but [insert racist
joke].” I find this quote entertaining given what we know about rapists. We
spend so much time talking about the behavior of the victims but not about the
rapists. Rapists are going to rape as long as we as society lets them. Often
serial rapists devolve when they are denied access to victims becoming more
violent. As mentioned above, most men who commit rapes are serial predators. Eventually,
Yoffe acknowledges that serial predators who encourage their victims to drink
instead of using violence (though, I think we can agree rape is violent) exist
on campus.
Yoffe then discusses the dangers of binge drinking, and yep, binge
drinking is bad because of a host of things including alcohol poisoning,
concussions from blacking out, drunk driving, etc. Yoffe concedes education is
the best way to handle binge drinking, but not rape, I guess?
Don’t worry though, Yoffe isn’t just shaming women she doesn’t know. I’m
sure her daughter who she has told “that it’s her responsibility to take steps
to protect herself” will have long term issues with self-blame if ever the
victim of sexual assault. The article then invokes women and men are
biologically different without noting she is using gender terms and not sex
terms. But hey, why deviate from the awful narrative now?
Another gem from the article: “If female college students start
moderating their drinking as a way of looking out for their own
self-interest—and looking out for your own self-interest should be a primary
feminist principle—I hope their restraint trickles down to the men.”
This is so great for some many reasons. First, rational self-interest
is a libertarian principle, not a feminist principle. This is why there a
huge discussion in the feminist community about “Lean In” because women who leaned in and are now successful usually
get there by exploiting others. That is a core feminist principle, ceasing the
exploitation of others. Second, women are once again supposed to lead by example
when their behavior has to be modified to protect them as dictated by society.
Seriously? That is like telling a person in poverty that they are doing a great
job not spending frivolously.
Then Yoffe invests a hypothetical son, wait for it…
“If I had a son, I would tell him that it’s in his self-interest not to be the drunken frat boy who finds himself accused of raping a drunken classmate.”
I am going to tell my nephew not to be a rapist, and I’m going to make
sure he knows what is and is not rape. I’ll stress he is responsible for his
own actions, but also compassion and empathy are values stressed in our family.
Even if he can get away with something if it causes pain to another person he
should do it. I am not however going to tell C’s daughter that is it her
responsibility to make sure she is never raped. In fact, I’d probably stress
that there is no shame in surviving sexual assault. Yoffe talks a bit about
Title IX, but not in the way you’d think with hey colleges are being held
accountable for not investigating and taking the appropriate actions after
sexual assault, but nope, this is in the context of the poor boys that will be targeted
for committing rape. She also mentions bystander intervention, but I have some
issues with bystander intervention. While, I like the idea, we know this is
wildly ineffective in preventing sexual assaults in the military because you’re
more likely to assaulted by someone you know…so what if the bystander is a
would be rapist? Also, it is kind of infantilizing, and the reinforcement of
women having to have buddies and not being able to go anywhere alone. Just
saying it is a complicated and condescending intervention that isn’t super
effective.
Yoffe invokes how drinking and sex is like drinking and driving, but the
women are responsible. This is a false analogy. First, because the sexual
assault survivor isn’t in control of the situation. A more appropriate analogy would
be a drunk person in the passenger seat when the driver wrecks, but then the
blame is placed on the drunk person not driving. Her point of course is that
there are more complications when alcohol and sex are involved because people
can’t remember everything, and of course what is sex verses what is sexual
assault. I’d say sexual assault is unwanted sexual advances, and if your
partner can’t consent (which is why we ask permission) then it is sexual
assault.
I kind of love the lack of awareness when Yoffe ends the piece, but
arguably flows through it, she describes her experiences drinking in college, “But
least I always knew that I was responsible for my behavior, not the alcohol.”
After all, colleges can’t be expected to caught and punish sexual predators.
I hate victim blaming pieces like this. I think I prefer the ones that
just blame the victims instead of pretending like they don’t. It hearkens back
to the arguments against women’s rights across the board. Women need to be told
what to do because we can’t possible make decisions on our own.
